Friday, March 28, 2008

AN ODE TO NEW YORK

Let this battery whirl on. . . it's late and an electrical outlet is not convenient to my recline in bed.

One month ago today we flew out of JFK airport. I have since remained in a continuous state of grateful well being as I remember all the good people in New York City who rallied about us to enable such a seemingly impossible departure from such a beloved place. For months I had struggled with gloom over leaving – not for a home somewhere in NY State or Connecticut or Philadelphia or Utah or even NewJersey (!) as so many we've know here have done – but for Siberia, Russia and ultimately unknownville, Kazakhstan, to some undetermined habitat that may or may not have electricity, or heat, or water; to enter a culture that would require of me a cache of pioneer-like survival skills that I was sure I didn't have; a society that would linguistically isolate me, which was a position I'd been in before while living in Germany over a decade ago and knew well what to expect. I regretted most of all leaving New York, a place where I enjoyed richrichrich sociality, a small but cozy apartment, a job that was, at times, really quite remarkable for a girl like me to find herself in. So counting my blessings over the last 5+ years and feeling so grateful for them – and not wanting to give it all up. Most painful!

But it was ultimately that act of acknowledging the goodness that surrounded me and a really great conversation with my mom&dad that helped me turn the corner (with 5 or so days to go before departure!) When one feels so blessed, one errs greatly by fearing – there is no faith in fear. My mother highlighted this for me and I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you good friends in the great city of New York for loving us so well and helping us make this difficult transition. May you all feel as blessed as I do by the people who surround you – feelings like these really create true brotherhood/sisterhood and that is what each person and community needs in this world. I pray for this!

2 comments:

M said...

Ah Heather--I've been thinking about you so much in the last few weeks! Your post gets my heart pumping. I love your candor--your fears in facing the unknown make me feel a fledging sense of bravery in my own endeavors, however small! I don't know that I could do what you're doing, but it sounds like you have said the same thing and yet here you are doing it. It's freeing to hear some doubt and then the soldiering on! You're amazing. Please keep me posted as you move through this new and life-changing event.

Jones Family said...

heyfriendmara
it's nice to hear from you -- eversince you packed up and left us all for newjersey i've been so grateful for your blog! i love your writing. :) you *are* a brave woman -- it takes guts to move as many times as you have in the last 4years!