While pretending: “I’m new. Shake my hand. I crawled out of the wall. Glad to meet you.”
Zoe when we grow up to be real people we’ll be married and you’ll be my wife and I’ll be your . . . FATHER and we’ll have lots of children. Sometimes you can visit my apartment too. Do you want to visit my apartment Zoes? When I’m five you can come to my apartment.
I like seeing Zoe do lots of kinds of funny things.
While kicking wildly and making sharp movements with his arms, Des called out, “Do you see? Am I like tofu mom?” He meant Kung Fu.
You know what I’m thinking about? [Pause] Oh! I need to think about it . . . [Long pause] Ok, I thought about it . . . [In an very mysterious voice] Secrets for everybody in this whole land and the New Yorkans!
My fingers are pretty.
Tomorrow I’m going to learn not to do bad things.
Mom? Can you come to my bed and cuddle and talk about what we’ll do when we get back to New York and Heidi’s place?
“It’s evil that you make me try! I hate it!” On being required to practice wiping his own bum.
I didn’t fall asleep last night – I laid down and transformed.
Are the Holy Ghost and God ever funny?
Is Grandpa as old as this matchbox?
I want to go back to New York tomorrow!
Des: I’m funny right?
Zoe: No! No way Jose!
I don’t know how in the world I got peepee on my pants.
Am I pretty Zoe?
I handed a napkin to Des and directed him to please wipe his ‘mouth’. When I looked over a minute later I found he’d put the napkin inside his mouth and was solemnly wiping it out.
During another bathroom independence session: “No!I don’t want to be like Oliver, he wipes his own bum. I don’t want to wipe my own bum! YOU DO IT!”
After a halfhearted attempt to eat DPJ announced,”I’m done with my gas. Food is my gas.”
“Heidi is the one who loves us best!” While chanting and walking around in circles with Zoe.
Mom? Do you know what my earth would be like? STRAWBERRIES AND MANGOES.
“Well, I don’t see how we can make it better if we can’t use superglue.” He’d torn or broken something, which I can’t remember anymore, that couldn’t possibly have been mended with superglue. He’s of the opinion that superglue is the magic-fixer.
After a little gas escaped his rear-end Des observed, “It sounds like a helicopter.”
Desmond said, in dependable bigbrother fashion on the first day of pottytraining Zoe, “I’m the one who watches over Zoe to make sure she doesn’t poop everywhere.”
Why didn’t Heidi come with us to Russia?
I’m a lovely work of art, right? Or is Jesus a lovely work of art?