Desi Candor

Is heaven in your belly?

Dad? Do you want to smell my feet?

I wanna turn on the light, please, for my conscience.

mmmm. . . that banana cheered me up!

My imaginary friends are gone now they went to go around the world to buy toys and treats and stuff.

It’s math-a-roni!

Jesus made me to like all kinds of colors -- Jesus make me that way.

I’m done! I don’t want this. I’m going to bed – maybe tomorrow you’ll make me a yummy dinner.

Des: Mom? Did you get mail today? A guy named Smithy-Howard was sending you a letter.
Me: Who’s Smithy-Howard?
Des: A boy who survived by bad guys.
Me: . . .

My penis is the tambourine and my bum is the drum. Lets rock-n-roll! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

Des went apple-picking with his preschool class and I commented that I was sure the apple orchards were beautiful. He quickly corrected me, “They weren’t beautiful, they were hideous!”

Des: I have good news for you Zo. I’m gonna buy you a princess when I turn 4 years old!
Zo: Wow!

Why is Zoe crying so much? It’s hurting my ears. I wish I had ear muffs. Can I get ear muffs when I’m 4 years old?

I want to hug you in your hug.

Des: When am I gonna have a baby boy?
Me: Are you pretending?
Des: No. When I grow up and get married I will have a baby. I want a baby boy – I will name him Thom after my friend Thomas. I love him when he’s all snotty!

“You’ll miss all the fun!” Des declared as he headed to the bathroom to go potty.

I want to grow up to be like dad so he’ll know I like pina coladas, hot sauce and lumberjacks.

I like my bum. Do you like my bum?

It’s math-a-roni! My imaginary friend was talking in my ear and said, “Can I have you math-a-roni?”