Desi Candor

"Zoe put on her cowboy outfit and went downstairs to deal with dad and step on cigarettes! Yeehaw!"

At Trader Joes, Des was chatting familiarly with the dude at the register. Among other things, he shared the following, “My dad can eat pizza faster than a rhinoceros who hasn’t eaten for 100 days!”

While on the phone with grandma&grandpa Simkins, Des explained, “I don’t run very fast but I can talk really fast.”

Des daily attempts multiple affectionate kisses on Zoe’s cheeks and is usually met with resistance and revulsion. After being swiped&wiped away from a recent gesture, he says, “I know why my kisses are slobbery, cause I lick them every day.” Nathan adds, “You’re a guy with a mouth full of water.” Des wished aloud, “I can’t wait for my water to disappear.” “It’s the Simkins in you,” Nathan explains, “Your aunt Hailey drools and your mommy does too.”

“What’s Jesus’ favorite color mommy?”

After a recent cubscout meeting, all the boys went outside to play. After awhile Des came inside looking for Zoe. “Why aren’t you outside playing dying? It’s fun!”

“Am I being who I am?”

During sacrament meeting, Des had the scriptures open and was reading Mosiah chapter 12. During the sacrament song he’d reached verse 5 and declared aloud with shock and confusion, “Why does it say, ‘DUMB ASS’?”

“I’m a burger with extra cheese! Eat me up for twenty dollars!”

For some reason I found myself teaching D&Z the Davy Crockett song. After singing it several times Des commented on the verse, Killed himself a bear when he was only three. “That’s kind of unusual isn’t it?”

When Des eats an apple he leaves no seed or stem unprocessed. “I ate the entire apple!” He announced proudly. I cheered in amazement and uttered, “Waste not, want not.” He nodded solemnly, “My grandparents would be proud of me.”

After seeing a package of baby wipes and holding one close to his face reverently, he said, “I love the smell of these wipes – it reminds me of my childhood.”

“What if it wasn’t Trader Joes, what if it was Trader Zoes!!”

“You are my truest Hate.” Des said to me one day. I repeated the phrase with a question. Des assured me, “Yeah, I’m Backward Bill!” Then he paused and looked at me carefully, “You know what I mean . . . LOVE!”

“Mom, you sing things brilliantly!” Des sighed one night as I sang them a couple of songs after tucking them in. {This comment by Des furthered beautifully a little running joke between mysister Heidi & I about my supposed excellent singing skills, which are honestly quite fair to average. But myothersister Hailey once declared, before all my sisters, that I had the best voice in the family. Ha!}

“I’m chomping into this pizza like a warthog snackin’ on a dinosaur.”

“Mom, was there hair in this recipe? Why was your hair in my crepe?”

“I wanna write a book.”

When Des failed (again) to use soap to wash his hands, I launched into my oft repeated narration on the difference between rinsing and washing and emphasized that when I ask him to wash, it is always a combination of soap and water. I worked myself up a bit and went on further to incite him to move on and to be *doing* with his knowledge, which will end the (cursed) repetition and thus he will *become*. He processed this with his usual good humor and then repeated my little chant with a slight revision, “Ok, mom: KNOW, DO, BECOME . . . and then we DIE!”

“I wanna go to the equator tomorrow”

After DPJ showed me some impressive dance moves, I opened my mouth to praise him, “You’re so . . .” I began but then he concluded, “ADORABLE! Ha! I finished your sentence for you.”

I was wearing a new striped shirt. Des commented, “You look like a Spanish painter.” I asked him how he knew about Spanish painters. He replied, “From ‘Elmo’ and the ‘Man of the World’ series starring Desmond Jones.”

“Goodbye big buddy.” Desi said as he hugged his large plastic gun after a discussion to pass it along to the great unknown during spring cleaning.

After Des was granted permission to kiss Zoe on the cheek, she exclaimed, “Ouch!! There’s something poky!” Des became alarmed and replied, “What?! I have hair on my face? I don’t want to be a grown up this early!”

"Look Zoe! I’m so rotten awesome!"

Desi came to me slumped over one morning and complained, “I don’t want to go to school. My palms hurt, my bones hurt.”

"I kind of get mixed up – gumball and garments are the same."



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