AN ODE TO FAMILY

Dear beloved – I appreciate a public platform such as this (indulgent) blog to acknowledge your faith and support and struggles and love on our behalf.

I know all this hasn't been easy for you. For years we've been talking about this eventuality and I'm sure you were hoping that this particular dream would not be realized. I understand that with the addition of grandchildren/niece&nephew this separation makes it all the more painful for you. We think of this all the time and the affect our choices have on all of you and we pray for that great Comforter to be with you and to confirm to you our delicate, earnest wish to proceed with our lives in a careful, prayerful way that always considers but cannot always be swayed by your feelings. WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!! Thank you God for the nature of family and the potential to be together for the eternities!! Our testimony of this is so strong and we love our God for it. May you each feel his love for you!

AN ODE TO NEW YORK

Let this battery whirl on. . . it's late and an electrical outlet is not convenient to my recline in bed.

One month ago today we flew out of JFK airport. I have since remained in a continuous state of grateful well being as I remember all the good people in New York City who rallied about us to enable such a seemingly impossible departure from such a beloved place. For months I had struggled with gloom over leaving – not for a home somewhere in NY State or Connecticut or Philadelphia or Utah or even NewJersey (!) as so many we've know here have done – but for Siberia, Russia and ultimately unknownville, Kazakhstan, to some undetermined habitat that may or may not have electricity, or heat, or water; to enter a culture that would require of me a cache of pioneer-like survival skills that I was sure I didn't have; a society that would linguistically isolate me, which was a position I'd been in before while living in Germany over a decade ago and knew well what to expect. I regretted most of all leaving New York, a place where I enjoyed richrichrich sociality, a small but cozy apartment, a job that was, at times, really quite remarkable for a girl like me to find herself in. So counting my blessings over the last 5+ years and feeling so grateful for them – and not wanting to give it all up. Most painful!

But it was ultimately that act of acknowledging the goodness that surrounded me and a really great conversation with my mom&dad that helped me turn the corner (with 5 or so days to go before departure!) When one feels so blessed, one errs greatly by fearing – there is no faith in fear. My mother highlighted this for me and I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you good friends in the great city of New York for loving us so well and helping us make this difficult transition. May you all feel as blessed as I do by the people who surround you – feelings like these really create true brotherhood/sisterhood and that is what each person and community needs in this world. I pray for this!

Desi Candor

“Do you know how to speak New York?” Des asked of his new Russian friend, Ellionna.

Nate and I were talking about the likelihood of the school admitting Des as a non-Russian speaker and DPJ interrupted with a hopeful, “I can speak Russian. . . Kapish? Kapish? Kapish?!” but Nate informed him that ‘Kapish’ was Italian.

“It’s cold like Russia out here! It’s cold like Russia out here!” Des began to shout this several times after we first stepped outside the Moscow airport.

Why did I have to go to Russia anyway? Why didn’t you leave me with a babysitter?

“How do you say Spiderman in Russian?” Desi asked this of a little girl, Ellionna, who was also staying at the ‘hotel’ with her family here in Podsosnovo.

Why don’t they know about Spiderman here?

You know what’s cute mom&dad? Zoe hugging me!

After planting a big kiss on my cheek Des said, “Delicious kiss!”

Don’t scatter your stuff around. I don’t want my bed all girly, I want it all boyly.

“I wish I was a girl like Zoe.” Des said appreciatively after watching and laughing at her dancing and being silly. [He said this not an hour after saying the above ‘girly’ remark to her! Ha!]

Zoe and I were singing songs early one morning after she joined me in bed. Des was still out on the couch bed snoozing and after consecutive rounds of “Jesus Said Love Everyone”, Des stirred in the other room and muttered, “That heart song makes my head struggle – you need a new song.”

Mom’s more funnier that Dad, he’s more serious.

This morning Nikolai climbed down into the pit he has under the floor boards in the living room and brought up a huge jar of raspberry preserves. The babes and I were in complete ecstasies shortly thereafter, slathering it on bread. I declared, “Oh my heart! I LOVE good food!” Des followed up with, “I think we’re in heaven – in Jesus’ land!” and Zoe sweetly summarized, “Heaven.”

Zoe: Moo moo!
Des: Zoe, you’re not a cow!
Zoe: Cow! Moooomooo. . .
Des: You’re not a cow, you’re a lovely baby, a lovely Zoe!

On the Farm in Podsosnovo

We’ve found ourselves a little house and family and farm animals to share the next 3-6months with: Nikolai, his wife (who will join us in a month’s time) and their babyfaced 19yearold son Pavel, who is actually just visiting (curious about us) he goes to university in another city. I’m so grateful to be living with someone – there is so much to learn and I love observing how Nikolai does things about his house. It’s a whole new domestic world here.

Des and Zoe are great (still healthy!) and love Nikolai’s cooking. For lunch this afternoon we had macaroni mixed up with sardines! They ate it! Zoe has become the better eater suddenly and Des the less interested one. She gets treats wherever she goes – the Russians really have great candy and cookies – and Des only sometimes. He’s discovering that having a cute sister around trumps any attention he might get otherwise (though one person commented to Nate that she thought we had two daughters!)

Our goal now is to try and get Desi into the preschool. There was some hesitancy since he doesn’t speak Russian but Nate seems to think they’re coming around esp. since he’s still in preschool. The cost is about $40 a month per child for 5days a week from 8am-6pm. It’s an incredibly long time and I wasn’t sure at first but after such monotonous days together, exhausting all our toy&game resources (and must admit, my patience!), I think going to school will be an important part of his personal experience -- He’s here to learn and grow too. I had envisioned lots of intense family time and having lots of growth in that area – I haven’t given up that dream – but there are a lot of holidays and the weekends, of course. They admit children at 18months and our friends here have encouraged us to send Zoe, and she wants to go too, but I’m still hesitating on that. . . 10 hours!!! Any words of advice?

Nikolai has a sauna and it was wonderful our first night in his place to sit and be seared by such intensely hot air. Ahhhhh. . . really livens up the mind&skin&body! The best part is, after you can’t take it anymore, pouring cold water over your head!! It’s one of those rare uber-exhilarating experiences!

We have found so many good people here to help us and advise us and take us in. Nikolai’s daughter, Anastasia, who lives here in Podsosnovo (different house) with her family and works with Nate’s friend, Alexei (who is the mayor of Podsosnovo), came forward after our other housing plans fell through and offered her father (Nikolai’s) place. Anastasia has since become quite involved with us (she also works for the local German NGO organization so she will now liaise with Nathan in his research) and she is so sweet and pleasant, I love to hear her voice. She’s one more Russian who is helping me do away with my errant notion that all Russians are stoic and unfriendly. I love it when I’m wrong about such miscalculations in humanity! Foolish generalizations!

In sum, we’ve passed through fleeting challenges only to learn that we’re more resilient than we’d known and what a blessed thing being adaptable is. I’ve tried to be honest with my feelings and yet leave my heart open for learning – I don’t want to miss anything I was meant to benefit from. Mostly, as mentioned above, I just want to understand people more and how they live and move and find their being in various circumstances and challenge myself to try and do the same.
I’ve very grateful my children are finding joy in this endeavor and I also want to do all I can to make this experience meaningful for them. Great or small, I thank my God for all.

Perhaps I’ll share a bit of some journal entries on the house we’re now so happy and content to be in. Its as if Nikolai was always preparing for us – where in reality he was most suddenly approached with the idea and 20minutes later met Nate and by that evening the whole bunch of us had moved in and taken over!

***

The house will take some adjustment but it’s coming rapidly. Transitions seem to stir up emotions for me. But I am on the rise. Nathan and I have our own bedroom with firm shared queen bed. Most cozy. I should be able to unpack the majority of our suitcases (there are over 17peices of baggage in varying sizes) into the wardrobe in the bedroom. The babes sleep out on the converted couch just outside our room and have slept well every night so far. The living quarters are relatively clean, tidy, cozy. The kitchen will do. Small fridge, which was filled when we arrived with all sorts of chunks and boney bits of grizzled red meat. Raw, uncovered. It was a ghastly site. Nate cleaned the fridge after Nikolai removed most of it. Nikolai has been remarkably accommodating. Then there is the bathroom, the bathroom. . . what can be said? [what can you envision?] The odor nearly turned me to stone at first whiff. Now it’s taken on a nostalgic old farmhouse smell which conjures up lots of Grandma&Grandpa Simkins old house in Cedar City memories, which are pleasant. I’m conceiving ways in which to have Nate convince Nikolai to use the first months installment of $200 (for rent) on a new toilet! It’s this short, dark, busted up creature that would make most women scream! I could only acquaint myself with it after Nate did an ace job scrubbing with the various chemicals I acquired after setting eyes on it. There is hot water but I’m not sure I’m ready to approach the bathtub yet (me or my babes) again another cleaning job for Mr. Jones.

The house itself, the layout design, which seems to be typical (I’ve seen two house interiors now), is a labyrinth of compartments – to the left, to the right, lots of passage ways with doors. The inner core is the warmest and the further out you get the colder each room becomes. At least one of these outer rooms seems to function as an extension of the fridge. Nikolai also has potatoes&beets&carrots&preserves under the floor boards in the main living room! The babes and I got down on our knees this morning to peer down into the pit. It was so cool!

Eventually, if you take the right route through the house, you’ll find the banya! Russian for SAUNA! Our first night we steamed ourselves till we were bright and friendly to our new lifestyle. OH! And most surprising of all is yet another route that will lead you to open a door to the barn and be faced, quite unexpectedly, with eager pigs and chickens! I can’t begin to express how my heart warmed when on the first morning Nikolai brought me fresh eggs from the chickens in his own house and milk, still warm, from a farmer friend nearby! The littlest things thrill me!

Nikolai has also proved a ready cook. He’s prepared crepes, in which we drizzled his homemade preserves on top, and ‘Dutch oven potatoes’ for breakfast. For lunch he’s served up a yummy soup and, another time, macaroni and sardines! The babes actually ate it! He goes out and gets bread, baked fresh somewhere, every day too. He’s talked of making the Russian version of peirogies (polish potato dumplings) which I really love and can’t wait to try his version – I’m sure it’s far superior that the frozen varieties we’ve been buying.

I’m so greatful for this hospitable friendly place. I’ve had some moments where I’ve felt unhinged emotionally due to the many transitions and unanswered questions we’ve dealt with in order to get to this place. I can’t think of what leaving here will feel like. Must have faith! God be with me!

The Expat Life

Living like expats in Russia. What a dream! lovely boulevards. Tasty food. Glamorous people. Fantastic museums. Amazing architecture. Does this sound like Russia? Oh, and the internet cafe spellcheck it seems is configured to the Russian language so every English word I'm typing is incorrect and therefore my true limitations in my own language are being exposed with every word. Fogive me. understand me. I'm being charged by the bitmat!

Our journey here a few days ago was intense. We have put our babes through a lot. Truly it was normal, all the waiting around, lack of sleep, decline in regular food and drink. I'm amazed by their resilence and ability to find ways of having fun when the adults around them become increasingly annoyed. Ahhh. . . childhood! I know 12 years from now, were we to put Zoe through this, she may very well chew us up and spit us out -- but as it is she only has had occasional moments of contempt for her adoring family and has very much enjoyed running and exploring.

Don't have pictures to post. Wouldn't know how to work that here anyway. I've left Nate&babes in the hotel room and ventured out solo (I speak no Russian) but feel completely confident in moving around Barnaul which is a city in Siberia.

We leave tomorrow for our farming village (Podosonovo) and I hopehopehope thar I love it or at least find something to ultimately love before our 3months are up and we're on to Kazakhstan. So far I feel quite different from my previous visits to Russia. I'm a little kinder on the environment and a lot more excited. It's been over 5 years after all since I've traveled internationally. I'm ready to embrace anything foreign.

We attended church yesterday. Missionaries abroad are always so eager the help. Blessed youth! We received permission to conduct services at home as we'll be too far away to come to church (at all). :(

Hope to post again soon. Wish me luck on expanding my mono-lingual universe.

luvluvluv

Desi Candor

And, anyway, mom why did you name me Desmond?!

I love me.

While sitting in the tub filled with bubbles one morning, Des calls out in perfect deadpan, “Does anyone know where the bathroom is?”

Someday I wanna be a firefighter and cook dinner for my kids.

I love banana’s they’re my favorite food in the histories.

Are you going to give me a kiss Zoe? I’m your big brother!

Remember the neighbors downstairs! You screamed too loud mom!

Zoe and me are cool. You are pretty.

mmmm. . . that juice is good! Cran-apple makes me jig.

Mom you look so fantastic even though you only have your underwear on.

After adding a bit of gel to Desi’s hair and styling it like Superman the following overexcited ramble followed: “Wow! Cool for real! Will Dad think it’s cool? Don’t touch my Superman hair, okay Zo? Do you want Superman hair? Do you Zo?” Zo replied instantly with a flat “No!” To which Des, now disheartened, simply said, “Oh . . . “

I eat every day. Why don’t I grow into a big man?

One morning I asked Des what his favorite creature on earth was. He said, “Rat, Cows, Rhinoceros’, and Seahorses.”

I’m gonna flap my wings, slap my pants and walk on my head

I have more Spiderman-confidence after my dream.

When I grow up, I’ll be called Nate.

Mom, I was talking to Jesus. Spiderman was broken so I was talking to him about that.

I was pushing the babes one at a time in the swings at the playground trying to do a balanced job. “Push me mom,” Des demanded. “In a minute,” I replied. To which he barked, “Immediately!”

Excuse me, my bumbum burped.

After tipping over the garbage can late one afternoon, Des declared confidently as he knelt down to start clean up, “I can do everything – I can do everything that is hard.” When he finished he decided to take out the garbage and drop it down the shoot. I asked him if he needed help. He answered, “I need zero help!” Then he paused just outside the door, confidence deflating, it was too quiet out there. “Mom, I’m scared!” So I stood at the door while he dumped the garbage down the hall, 5 feet away.

While setting up a little baseball practice in the park ball fields one morning, Des pointed to a base and said, “Here’s the human plate.”

“I’m trying to help you bring happiness!” Des explained after I refused to agree to a toy buying scheme. It was all so simple: buy him toys bring joy and happiness into the world.

I’m saving this little treat for my imaginary friends. They don’t have dinner teeth they just have treat teeth. We have both, they only have one.

After being repeatedly pummeled by Zoe, Des finally shouts, hand outstretched in front of him, “Stop! I have the power of Jesus!”

I love you Porter.

Let’s pretend Zoe is Chloe (a dog in the extended family) and you’re Auntie Gena and I’m Uncle Buff!

Zoe is a fun babe right now – she’s not crying!

Mom! You have a cookbook-tionary!

Zoe’s so cute and funny isn’t she?

I dropped something of Desi’s and as I was picking it up, I muttered, “Forgive me.” To which he immediately responded, “Yeah, I am! I love you so much!”

Des: Mom? Do you love me even when I do bad things?
Me: Yes, I do! Heavenly Father does too! and I want to be like him and I will love you forever!
Des: Mom . . . I like you most when you do bad things too!
Me: . . .

During a pizza and rootbeer Saturday evening Des observed, “Soda makes my body a little bit not healthy – maybe this wasn’t a very good idea. . . [long pause] . . . more please mommy, more please!”

I’m so wakeful and sleepy!

I’m not going potty cause I don’t feel potty.

Mom, I’m gonna tell the whole world that you’re a good mom!

Zoe en Voice

No! don’t kiss me!

One morning while I was speaking with Nathan, Zoe began grabbing handfuls of Kleenex’s and wiping my arms and shoulders, “Sorry mommy,” then she turned to Nathan, “Cleaning mommy!” then after a few rounds of that I noticed that she was actually spitting on me then grabbing tissues to clean it up -- apparently just for fun.

Morning time!
Zoe
1-2-3-4-5!
Sorry Desi
Love you
Sorry mom
Bath, ok?!

One morning, on the way to the playground, Des got way ahead of us and entered before we did. When we passed through the gate a minute later, Zoe shouts out, “Desi Jones! Desi Jones! Desi Jones!”

Oliver
Porter
Natasha
Grandpa
Grandma
Heidi
Chris
Holly
Hailey
Gena
Ini
Leila
I kiss you
Boy
Friend
Jesus
Church
Coloring
My picture
I want some

Little Mother

Zoe's Birthday -- 2 years old

I sorted this out in my journal last week when reflecting on this babegirl in my life --

"My Zoe's bday . . . I love this little girl so much! Oh, I truly, truly delight in her little girl-ness. Surprised me greatly. . . Perhaps I can explain it this way: My delight in Des stems from the fact that he's my little child; the delight I have in Zoe stems from the fact that she's my little girl!"

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas
from my favorite little elves

Zoe en Voice

After sleeping in till 8:30 one morning, Zoe finally brings me my bra and says, “Ready!” as in get ready already! She then brings me my shirt “Shirt!” and then my pants, “Pants!” I got up.

Dance
No way!
Yep! (and pops her P!)
Please
Thank you
Love
More

Zoe put the phone down my shirt and said, “Pocket!”

Help
Book
Towel
Monkey
Yeah!
Milk
Fridge

Zoe: Pretty
Me: Who’s pretty?
Zoe: Heidi
Me: Yes, Heidi is pretty
Zoe: Pretty

Spoon
Soap
Hi batman!
Cute
Excuse me
Dinner
Lunch

“Here slippers” She brings them to me!

Frog cup
I’ll do it!
I get it!
Good
Elmo
Watch
School
Hi Pigeon!
Yucky
Treat
I don’t know

Happy Thanksgiving!

Native American Jones and Pilgrim Immigrant Jones

We're all ONE family

Birthday Boy!

Looking Back

{infant - 1yearold }

{One year and counting!}

{and on and on. . . }

until Desi turns FOUR years old today!

Receiving BIG BUCKS in his bday card!

Shopping spree at TOYS R US in Time Square

{Thanks G&G Jones}

Questionable cupcakes from Mom

{I didn't want cupcakes mom!}

Watching anime with Dad

Checking out new toys with mom.

Desi Candor

Is heaven in your belly?

Dad? Do you want to smell my feet?

I wanna turn on the light, please, for my conscience.

mmmm. . . that banana cheered me up!

My imaginary friends are gone now they went to go around the world to buy toys and treats and stuff.

It’s math-a-roni!

Jesus made me to like all kinds of colors -- Jesus make me that way.

I’m done! I don’t want this. I’m going to bed – maybe tomorrow you’ll make me a yummy dinner.

Des: Mom? Did you get mail today? A guy named Smithy-Howard was sending you a letter.
Me: Who’s Smithy-Howard?
Des: A boy who survived by bad guys.
Me: . . .

My penis is the tambourine and my bum is the drum. Lets rock-n-roll! Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

Des went apple-picking with his preschool class and I commented that I was sure the apple orchards were beautiful. He quickly corrected me, “They weren’t beautiful, they were hideous!”

Des: I have good news for you Zo. I’m gonna buy you a princess when I turn 4 years old!
Zo: Wow!

Why is Zoe crying so much? It’s hurting my ears. I wish I had ear muffs. Can I get ear muffs when I’m 4 years old?

I want to hug you in your hug.

Des: When am I gonna have a baby boy?
Me: Are you pretending?
Des: No. When I grow up and get married I will have a baby. I want a baby boy – I will name him Thom after my friend Thomas. I love him when he’s all snotty!

“You’ll miss all the fun!” Des declared as he headed to the bathroom to go potty.

I want to grow up to be like dad so he’ll know I like pina coladas, hot sauce and lumberjacks.

I like my bum. Do you like my bum?

It’s math-a-roni! My imaginary friend was talking in my ear and said, “Can I have you math-a-roni?”