Jones Family

I Eat Plants and Stuff

2011-05-11T09:57:00.003-04:00

I have this neighbor. Her name is Gail. She's an inspiration to me.
She eats brilliantly. She lives brilliantly. She thinks brilliantly.
I love her life.

She took me to pick these in the woods surrounding our properties.
It felt like a moment for writing poetry but I went home and cooked instead.

And then I ate them.

Know what these are?

Fiddleheads

These were smashing with mushrooms and salt/pepper and garlic.

Thanks Gail.

Go BlueJays!

2011-05-09T11:47:00.002-04:00

He plays baseball.

{really!}

Nathan Jones instructs him a bit.
On those rare days when the rain is not falling.

That's Desmond Jones on the plate.
Isn't he holding that bat well?
{so proud}

Springing to Life

2011-05-06T11:18:00.011-04:00

On one of our first warmish days in April, thebabes and I engaged in some impulsive yard work, which lasted about 4hours. I haven’t had a lot of experience taking care of gardens or leafy things – unless you count my green thumb with potted basil. On this day, I think there were a lot of tulip causalities as we heedlessly raked out leaves from flower beds – nothing was blooming yet. And there were those big piles of leaves we made in the fall for jumping and picture taking that, can you imagine, were still there after the snow melted. As we gathered them up, concerned for the grass underneath, we saw those little dears had been suffocating all these months. Lesson learned. I’m still building up courage to dot the area with all the nearby horse dung.

I say we did all this because Desmond Jones was swinging that rake and hoeing out those leaves stroke-for-stroke with me. I’ve rarely seen Des so dedicated to work. He was just as engrossed as I was and methinks this is the beginning of a beautiful gardening partnership. Yay!

Zoe wasn’t so keen on the activity, she poked at the rake every once in awhile. Mostly she played and lounged about on the warm grass surveying our curious concentration.

My dear neighbor Diane has moved out of the apartment on the property – miss her – and so I now have full responsibility of the small animals – 3 sheep, 9 chickens, and a goat. This is a little fulfillment of a farm fantasy I’ve been cultivating since living in KZ. The sheep hear my voice and they predictably, “Baaaaaaa . . .” Sometimes I have to scold them when they “Baaaaaaaa” too much because, little greedy creatures, they always want the sweet grainy oaty-corny stuff. I’m restricting it to mornings only. Evenings they get soft chewy hay and during the day they graze in the green fields. Ahhhh . . . The chickens free-range too and can be quite harsh with each other. Certain hens are chased about and refused pecking rights to food. Oooo! Glad I’m not a chicken, cause you know, you also get your eggs taken away. I watched one stand up in her nest today and push out a big hard brown egg. Ouch.

Daffodils are all over the farm – we call them daffys – and we’re snipping so many of them and bringing them inside. It’s heavenly.

Oh, and this is a sad face because the tree swing has broken. All that friction finally resulted, while Zoe was up in the air, in one big fall and tumble. I know I must find a way to fix another one up again. {Will consult brilliant neighbors soon.}

Happy spring!

Book Banning – Am I Guilty?!

2011-05-01T08:56:00.002-04:00

Dear Ms. O:

Desmond loves to read! He says it over and over again and it’s such a personal thrill for me because I can think of nothing better to do than to surround myself with books and curl up with them!

I appreciate all you do to encourage him and introduce him to new literature. I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’d like Des to hold off from reading Goosebumps – the fear genre isn’t a great favorite of mine, it’s true, but it’s also problematic for sleeping and sweet dreaming. Not to mention going upstairs alone at night time to take a shower while I’m downstairs cleaning up after dinner. Also, nighttime strolls are fraught with tight grips and whimpers! Blah! Who needs it? FEAR?! I defy you! :)

Thanks again for all the work you do for our children! Tell Ms. W hello!

Sincerely,
Heather Jones

...

A Letter to Desmond and Zoe

2011-04-25T11:44:00.003-04:00

I’m sitting in a parking lot facing a green diamond. There are shouts and smacks as balls hit mitts. Children are grunting, adult men are praising. The world is green and the air wet and fresh. Desmond you are giving this physical activity all you’ve got. This is our first foray into competitive sports and it’s a great outlet for your bounteous 7yearold energy levels. You are a boy who loves to move his body – you hop, you twist, you endlessly swing your limbs, exercising all their functions. It makes me proud to have a boy like you – I interpret your kinetic motion as demonstrations of your absolute enthusiasm for life.

As I attempt to help you channel and bridle this zeal in your being, I am careful, as careful as I can be, because I want your childhood to be what you want it to be. The spheres of childhood and adulthood orbit each other constantly and I feel the conflict of each on a regular basis, especially as I try and fit you for society, for the adult sphere, and all the manners and expectations we have for each other there. I know it’s my responsibility to teach you these things, and I do – exhaustively – but I also try so very hard to honor your sphere and create free spaces for you to be a child in – you know? Places where you can be loud and active and express yourself in the intuitive ways you need too.

I was trying to explain this to Auntie Heidi today. I was telling her how grateful I was this Easter weekend that our friends who were visiting, had two little boys just like you. The four of you (because Zoe is often willing) whipped yourselves up into regular frenzies of child-joy. You were loud, you were physical, you were inhabiting all available spheres and spaces. You were happy.

We often think of our past. Today, Zoe, you reminisced about trains. How you loved taking those days-long rides through the Kazakhstan, sleeping on the narrow top bunk with me, eating hot noodles and fresh bread from the platform vendors, watching movies with daddy, playing with the other children up and down the hallway, and getting treats from people in neighboring coupes. You remembered how Des had to go peep in a bottle when the bathrooms were locked as we passed through villages and towns. In your case, we were often able to convince the conductors to let us use the bathroom or they directed us to the nearest woods if we had stopped to pick up passengers.

Since babyhood in NYC, you have made your first friends here in Vermont. Girls! Girls! Girls! You have been so excited to be around girls who can speak your language! Your social calendar has quickly exceeded Desmond’s. It’s funny to think about how the quiet little sister who agreeably went along with whatever big brother had going on, played with the boys, etc., is now pulling us into her girl trajectory. You set the precedent because Des is now just as excited about teaming up with your playdates and birthday parties as he is with his own.

I’ve been working very hard to teach you the value of kindness. You have surprised me with your more discerning approach to people. You don’t readily say hello or smile or talk to adults or peers you know. Lately you’ve been growling at what I think you think is a cute attempt at playing hard-to-get. You’ve spurned young men at church who once thought you were their chase and tickle playmates. Also, at school, you’ve told me stories of collaborating with others girls to “turn your head” from other children you “don’t like anymore”. You demonstrated this for me by raising your nose and chin high and flipping it from side to side in a manner that can only be described as snotty. WOE! I had a friend here ask me if you were always, “like this”. Like this, implying mean. HEARTBREAK! I could only weakly say no because I was so perplexed that we were talking about you, MY DAUGHTER, and indeed you were manifesting in every way meanness at that moment. You are not this way around us, your family. You are sweet&helpful&joyful&talkative&kissy&cuddly&silly&precious. You can be stubborn, sure, I’ve always felt your fierce streak running through most things you are determined to do or not do. Desi will confirm lovingly that you shriek mighty shrieks at him daily for the misdeeds he does. BUT you are largely and mostly and generally and unabashedly DELIGHTFUL!

Everyday I thank my Father in Heaven for motherhood – specifically for the opportunity to mother you two. It can overcome me multiple times a day how blessed these moments are with you, at this particular age, at this particular time. Sometimes I worry about how things will change, if I will be as happy, so I want to mark every day of this childhood, your childhood, and my intimate proximity to it. What a great way to live ones life. Thank you.

love,
mom

...

Desi Candor

2011-04-11T09:55:00.016-04:00

"Zoe put on her cowboy outfit and went downstairs to deal with dad and step on cigarettes! Yeehaw!"

At Trader Joes, Des was chatting familiarly with the dude at the register. Among other things, he shared the following, “My dad can eat pizza faster than a rhinoceros who hasn’t eaten for 100 days!”

While on the phone with grandma&grandpa Simkins, Des explained, “I don’t run very fast but I can talk really fast.”

Des daily attempts multiple affectionate kisses on Zoe’s cheeks and is usually met with resistance and revulsion. After being swiped&wiped away from a recent gesture, he says, “I know why my kisses are slobbery, cause I lick them every day.” Nathan adds, “You’re a guy with a mouth full of water.” Des wished aloud, “I can’t wait for my water to disappear.” “It’s the Simkins in you,” Nathan explains, “Your aunt Hailey drools and your mommy does too.”

“What’s Jesus’ favorite color mommy?”

After a recent cubscout meeting, all the boys went outside to play. After awhile Des came inside looking for Zoe. “Why aren’t you outside playing dying? It’s fun!”

“Am I being who I am?”

During sacrament meeting, Des had the scriptures open and was reading Mosiah chapter 12. During the sacrament song he’d reached verse 5 and declared aloud with shock and confusion, “Why does it say, ‘DUMB ASS’?”

“I’m a burger with extra cheese! Eat me up for twenty dollars!”

For some reason I found myself teaching D&Z the Davy Crockett song. After singing it several times Des commented on the verse, Killed himself a bear when he was only three. “That’s kind of unusual isn’t it?”

When Des eats an apple he leaves no seed or stem unprocessed. “I ate the entire apple!” He announced proudly. I cheered in amazement and uttered, “Waste not, want not.” He nodded solemnly, “My grandparents would be proud of me.”

After seeing a package of baby wipes and holding one close to his face reverently, he said, “I love the smell of these wipes – it reminds me of my childhood.”

“What if it wasn’t Trader Joes, what if it was Trader Zoes!!”

“You are my truest Hate.” Des said to me one day. I repeated the phrase with a question. Des assured me, “Yeah, I’m Backward Bill!” Then he paused and looked at me carefully, “You know what I mean . . . LOVE!”

“Mom, you sing things brilliantly!” Des sighed one night as I sang them a couple of songs after tucking them in. {This comment by Des furthered beautifully a little running joke between mysister Heidi & I about my supposed excellent singing skills, which are honestly quite fair to average. But myothersister Hailey once declared, before all my sisters, that I had the best voice in the family. Ha!}

“I’m chomping into this pizza like a warthog snackin’ on a dinosaur.”

“Mom, was there hair in this recipe? Why was your hair in my crepe?”

“I wanna write a book.”

When Des failed (again) to use soap to wash his hands, I launched into my oft repeated narration on the difference between rinsing and washing and emphasized that when I ask him to wash, it is always a combination of soap and water. I worked myself up a bit and went on further to incite him to move on and to be *doing* with his knowledge, which will end the (cursed) repetition and thus he will *become*. He processed this with his usual good humor and then repeated my little chant with a slight revision, “Ok, mom: KNOW, DO, BECOME . . . and then we DIE!”

“I wanna go to the equator tomorrow”

After DPJ showed me some impressive dance moves, I opened my mouth to praise him, “You’re so . . .” I began but then he concluded, “ADORABLE! Ha! I finished your sentence for you.”

I was wearing a new striped shirt. Des commented, “You look like a Spanish painter.” I asked him how he knew about Spanish painters. He replied, “From ‘Elmo’ and the ‘Man of the World’ series starring Desmond Jones.”

“Goodbye big buddy.” Desi said as he hugged his large plastic gun after a discussion to pass it along to the great unknown during spring cleaning.

After Des was granted permission to kiss Zoe on the cheek, she exclaimed, “Ouch!! There’s something poky!” Des became alarmed and replied, “What?! I have hair on my face? I don’t want to be a grown up this early!”

"Look Zoe! I’m so rotten awesome!"

Desi came to me slumped over one morning and complained, “I don’t want to go to school. My palms hurt, my bones hurt.”

"I kind of get mixed up – gumball and garments are the same."

. . .

Zoe en Voice

2011-04-09T09:20:00.003-04:00

After a discussion about the idea of the seemingly infinite populations of people and the ancestors who came before us Zoe sighed dreamily, “Yes . . . definitely wonderful . . .”

While grocery shopping Zoe discovered an echo in one of the isles. She called out several times and then observed, “My voice sounds like itself.”

"Mom? I love you super-duper much!"

Zoe presented me with a pink bundled blanket and said, “Mommy, I’ve got something. I hope it’s a baby sister don’t you?”

“Did you know this? President Obama is a husband – he has a life!” Des offered that Obama’s wife was on Elmo. Zoe nodded, “Yeah, She teaches kids to move.”

While looking through a friends Baseball card collection, Zoe began to chant, “Bad Inkies, bad Inkies – the Inkies are evil!”

"Mommy, I like helping you."

A mother’s role in running interference never ends between her children. I know, I know. One thing I repeat often, to allow them to express and sort out these heavy issues themselves, is: “Did you tell him/her how that made you feel?” On a recent occasion, DPJ had been jovially marching around the house swinging his shirt in the air and ‘innocently’ miscalculating Zoe’s proximity (repeatedly). Z brought up her complaint before me and I repeated the phrase above, and feeling a little ridiculous added, “Tell him: Don’t get your kicks from me Desmond. If you want a laugh, go swipe the furniture with your apparel!” She marched off and I heard her bellow out, “Desi! I’m not your KICKS!”

On our way to Boston, we were going over the names of the friends we would be seeing and staying with. Zoe registered that there were more daughters than sons and she cheered, “Yay! Finally, GIRLS!”

During Family Home Evening, Nathan asked Zoe: What does it mean to fast? She answered: "To go fast and not slow."

“Mom, I want to tell you something: I was over there drawing all those X’s, and when I was done I drew all those O’s, and when I was done . . . I burped. Isn’t that crazy?”

“You scared me out of myself!” (sleeping while sick and hearing a loud shout which made her jump.)

Zoe: Are pioneers real?

Me: OH YES!

Zoe: Are they still walking?

“I heard Desi come in for a loving sound and I wanted to come in for a loving sound too.” I had tucked myself into my room for a bit to regroup after some less than patient prose spewed from my weary parental mouth. (I had fallen on the ice hard that a.m. and if that doesn’t make me SO MAD!)

"Do I have a step-mother?"

“Do you want a nice daughter or a mean daughter?” She cleverly rephrased another of my sayings, “Do you want a nice mommy or an upset mommy?” This usually follows when the subsequent passive-aggressive admonition goes unheeded, “I’m using my nice voice, please obey”.

Des: I can’t wait to beat Zoe down in our boxing basketball contest!

Zoe: And then we can play ballerinas?

Des: Yay!

After Zoe had lost her footing and teetered while putting her pants on she laughed and said, “I stepped out of balance, right?”

Des and Zoe where playing legos. Des reserved all the warrior guys for himself while offering all the astronauts to Zoe, explaining she didn’t have the right (talking deeply) warrior guy voice. She protested, “I can talk bigly too!”

“If I have a son, I’ll name him Davy Crockett.”

“Mommy, I had a scary dream and I was wondering if I could get it back to good.”

“Ugh! I’m not going near those!” After Des showed her a bag of Trader Joes tortellini that I was preparing for dinner.

I asked Zoe one day what she liked about her mommy (we had been talking about some of her friends in this way). She said, “I don’t know.” I repeated what she said with a question and she replied, “Not apparently . . . yes.”

Des: What about our boxing?

Zoe: Wait after my nails dry.

. . .

Winter Farewell

2011-04-07T11:14:00.008-04:00

Yesterday I switched allegiances, in favor with the sun.

I have loved winter, loved being nestled into the deep Vermont woods. I’ve been a bit unwilling to dive outdoors, though the new smell of dirt is intoxicating and the color and quality of light so urgent. For some folks, this light is a long awaited beacon of all the pleasures dirty creatures of the sun enjoy – bbq’s, sunblock and sandals, gardening and mowing, spring cleaning and summer plans. I feel I’m now ready, nearly, to welcome all this – but first, I want to say goodbye to this fair winter.

Goodbye soft yellow light that crept through the windows at midday, slanting across my children and I and the pile of books we surrounded ourselves with as we cuddled up near the gentle fire, in regular intimacy, while the white untouched fields outside granted us such unhurried indoor pleasures. Goodbye to the deep satisfaction of a hot meal and steamy cups of mint tea with homemade bread and local honey dripping abundantly. Farewell to times suspension, those great allowances to wait with my son and my daughter for the school bus and watch the snowflakes fall softly and silently, onto twigs and branches, coated perfectly with layers of ice, reflecting a million different treetops. I shall miss most the cave-like instinct I fed upon luxuriously, the season of introspection as I puttered around the house, as I pulled the covers up over my head at night, and as I welcomed mybabes in the morning to my nest.

Now I shall have to contend with the riotous calls of birds. There is a pressure to be outdoors now, away from my den. To embrace the sensible grass, to embark upon ambitious behaviors that grant the sun full involvement as we commune with all that nature arrogantly boasts. This leaves my indoor chambers extraneous for a season but I shall return, browned with gladness, to occupy that cloistered space once again.

Photos Photos Photos

2011-02-14T12:00:00.001-05:00

Finding it easier to upload the past several months in photos here.
{Click on the here}

Winter in Vermont

2011-02-10T11:51:00.004-05:00

I keep putting up pictures that seem to keep us in a perpetual fall season. But we are having a terrific winter. The snow is relentless and lovely and we approve of it's generous presence. Everything about Vermont seems to compliment the proportions of white -- the country road, the trees, the animals, the hills, the old homes and vast farm properties. It fits my romantic sensibilities perfectly.

Sledding -- another excuse to get loud and goof off!

Finding a companionable walking stick on an icy country road.

Snowy mornings waiting for the bus with Des.

High snow drifts challenging little legs.

Walking up the drive after getting off the school bus. It's a BLIZZARD out there!

...

He Turned 7, She Turned 5

2011-02-10T10:51:00.007-05:00

Such audacity, AGING! It really pushes at my resistance of change. And yet I can think of a thousand counter-arguments for change. But, yes, I sometimes oppose change. I'm working on it.

This little boy gave a cheer when he sited his rewards for changing.

This little girl stared and took change in thoughtfully.

His first Lego set -- he's all-American now.

A horsey dream come true.

Can't beat 'em, join 'em.
(oh! a painful cliche -- sorry!)

Zoe en Voice

2011-02-04T11:44:00.015-05:00

Zoe awoke sleepily one morning and asked me, "Are you thinking what I’m thinking?" I responded, "What are you thinking?" and she replied dreamily, "About unicorns." Then she fell back asleep.

Z: How about Buzzlightyear and my princess marry?

D: No way! No kissing! When you marry you kiss and so no marrying!

One of Zoe’s little friends gave her a diaper changing kit for her baby dolls. For days she rigorously changed diapers. At one point she approached me and asked, “Wanna see my baby’s diaper? Ewwww . . . poopy isn’t it? Destinktable!”

"Mom? Am I different?" I then explained how wonderfully unique she is.

"Why does my chocolate milk taste like milk?" Opps! Caught being stingy!

"Peace is helping other people."

...

Desi Candor

2011-01-28T11:05:00.027-05:00

"I am a mistake . . . I just said I was a MISTAKE!" (laughter)

Me: How was school?

Des: AMAZING!

Sometimes Des and Zoe like to pretend that Zoe is actually a little brother. She'll get dressed in his clothes and they'll be guys together. One afternoon while they were playing this game, Des was reclining in a chair and asked his little brother Zoe, “Can you be my footstool?”

Des held up a new animal he'd gotten for Christmas, "I think this is an African Rhino or a North Pole Rhino." I responded with an amazed, “How do you know these things?” He answered seriously, “I read it in the Diarrhea . . . the Diarrhea? ..... I mean, the Dictionary."

“You’re my little sister, the only one I have, and I want you to last long in life so I can have a long life with you. I love you so much Zoe.” He said all this while standing in front of her, kissing his own hand.

While eating pizza happily, Des was observing Zoe and commented, “Wow! Did you see her? She ate that so fast! She’s feasting on knowledge!"

“Ewwwww! Your breath is hilariously stinky!”

"I love you mom, I love you almost as much as I love Zoe."

"Do I rock? I ROCK don’t I? Our family ROCKS!!"

"Do you know why I obey Jesus Christ?

Because I love him!"

"Mommy, I have a secret that I don’t want you to tell anybody . . . in real life I'm a really nice boy, but right now, I’m not so nice."

I pointed out on a early Saturday morning that Des and Zoe had awoken earlier than they usually do on weekdays for school (in which, of course, they are VERY sleepy and don’t want to wake up.) Des explained in defense, “That’s because we’d like to wake up ourselves, not a big construction of WAKE UP!”

While giving Desi a goodnight kiss, He drew back and said, “You smell like the airport.”

I asked Desi one morning, before he departed for school, how his room looked, he replied dramatically, "Destroyed, awful, experimental!"

"I love to be back scratched. Give me some scratch-backen'!"

Maternal Crises by Foucault

2011-01-28T10:24:00.025-05:00

Desmond Jones loves taking the bus to school. Zoe and I walk down with him every school morning and goof off until the bus comes. I always shout good morning to the driver and advise Desmond to go easy during the morning and afternoon bus bartering sessions – the toy trade is quite vigorous and I worry about what the little kindergartners are being coaxed into giving up in exchange for Desmond’s broken castoffs.

One morning this fall, the bus pulled up and the front right tire was on FIRE. I processed the information with some alarm and called out to the driver that there was fire. He looked at me and nodded. I was puzzled. He just sat there calmly, seeming to imply that all was OK. I responded, “Yeah?” and then let my son approach the bus to get on.

{Shall I pause here so you can shake your finger at me? I know, I know you would NEVER do such a thing!}

Before the bus approached, Nathan had come down the drive to take his morning run. We had teasingly pulled him into a family group hug before we let him depart – one of Nathan’s funny charms is that he embarrasses easily about public displays of affection (though he would have acted the same inside the house, come to think of it.) Anyway, he had just walked on before the bus pulled up and happened to glance back as Des was heading toward it . . .

{All embarrassment of affection shattered}

Nathan’s arms flew into the air and he began to jump and shout madlymadlymadly, “Desmond!!! DON’T get on the bus!! Get away from the BUS!”

{I just stood there}

The driver was sufficiently alarmed and got up to take a look. He saw the fire and returned in a lumbering fashion to retrieve the fire extinguisher. We watched. My arms around mybabes.

This was all seriously troubling.

I realized the bus driver hadn’t heard me and thought I was giving him my regular greeting from the road. Nathan philosophically tried to placate me by classifying the experience as a typical Foucault case: I had perceived the bus driver in a position of authority and even though I knew that FIRE was usually BAD, I conceded judgment to him as he knew more about vehicles than I did.

{Little comfort, little comfort.}

...

It feels good

2010-10-29T11:50:00.011-04:00

Things feel kind of normal now – or the kind normal that I’ve observed and admired in happy, busy American families.

For instance:

* He reads for 20minutes every night and has regular homework.

* She is making little friends and asking for sleepovers.

* I have a car (it’s been 8years) and drive my children around all by myself.

* I can go to the grocery store – a big one – whenever I want. I can choose from a bounteous variety of yummy things. I can get multiple heavy items (e.g. 6 cans of beans, 5lbs of flour, a gallon of milk, potatoes, onions, apples, etc.) and not have to calculate the weight for the walk&carry home. It’s been 8 years of such restraint!

* We have a church family again

and I’m teaching Gospel

Doctrine and Nathan was scooped up by the Branch Presidency.

* We have neighbors that speak our language and a community we can participate in -- we’ve been to a barn dance and school board meetings and fundraisers and cub scout bonfires and regattas, preschool potlucks, libraries, dinner parties, TAG SALES, art museum socials, farms for fresh produce and New England road trips!!!

OH MY HEART!

If I never get a job that brings income again, I am confident -- and a little giddy -- at the prospect of my life fullfullfull of these things.

A New Home

2010-10-25T11:04:00.002-04:00

It's still a little hard to believe but we let that return ticket to Kazakhstan pass us by and we packed our things and moved to VERMONT.

:::breathin, breathout:::

It couldn't be more to my liking and I think this is the

S e a s o n o f H e a t h e r

I've always dreamed of living in New England, frolicking through the small liberal arts colleges, living in an old house, surrounding myself with great local farm food and animals, having New England-y neighbors -- it's been a HUGE romantic mystique for me.

HUGE

And it's all come true. Come take a look into our new lives . . .

Here's the PLACE we're renting

Here are the FRIENDLY CREATURES we socialize with

Here's NATHAN -- adjunct teacher extraordinaire -- he's teaching the Anthropology of Islamic Societies at Bennington College (liberal arts college extraordinaire!)

Here's my big 1ST GRADER BOY independently marching down to the bus/getting on the bus

Here we are in Massachusetts PRESSING CIDER with our former NYC friends , the Blosils -- they're living the dream too!

{drop the apple and wipe that man's (mr. kent blosil) brow!}

Here are some pics of the beyond-our-wildest-dreams FARM and property

{:::sigh:::}

Here is the CAR we now own after 8years of having no car. I can drive my own babes around to places. It's REALLY cool.{hello chickens!}

Here's my LITTLEDEARDAUGHTER, she's a preschooler and loving it

{here she is with her yoga-loving, soon-to-be youngfarmergirl teacher}

2010-10-25T11:03:00.002-04:00

Here are mybabes on the treasured TIRE SWING

Here's my beloved BOYSCOUT and his Tiger Den group. I'm a Den Leader!

We're happy.

{in Concord, MA)

2010-10-19T11:59:00.001-04:00

Tag sales in the USA and other joys -- to come! to come!

Patient Parenting

2010-05-22T00:27:00.003-04:00

Does everyone feel this way? You know, that your children are CRAZY?! I had a moment the other night when we were out with our friend, Victoria, where I felt true powerlessness to curb, moderate, control or STOP them from going completely out of control.

We had been out walking, enjoying the sunshine and the water and the fountains. We came upon this low red rock wall and as Des climbed up onto it, we noticed that the bright brick-red color of the rock rubbed right off onto his hands and clothes. He immediately began to rub his hands all over the rocks. He then wiped his hands all over his face. RED SMEARS. Then Zoe joined in and did the same thing, not leaving her clothes untouched. I was earnestly advising from the sidelines, my pitch going up, my voice becoming more and more frantic . . .

Mom? Who’s Mom? What is a Mom?

I was utterly unheeded. I was ignored. I was the wind in the willows. I was less than red dust smeared onto freckled cheeks.

I was too adult.

Victoria was beside me, at first fascinated, she let out little squeaks of surprised laughter. As I bellowed, as I plead, she became more delighted – she curled, she jumped, she eventually, joyfully, laughed and reached for her camera.

So I’m left to wonder about my will verses theirs. The Indigo Girls have this song called, “Deconstruction” one of the verses reads like this: Sculpted from youth/The chipping away/Makes me weary.

I’m weary with chipping.

My developing theory, based on experience and a wish for better parenting, is that it takes time for the countless values and rules to be processed by little minds virtually blank of the nuances of appropriate behavior. It’s a slow accumulation, like the ideas of Patient Capital – where investments are not aggressive ones demanding immediate profitable returns. But are more patient, generous reserves that prosper slowly and sustainably and that ultimately benefit more than just self.

Oh, and sometimes it’s good just to laugh.

Vika with Zoe – with a formidable person approaching in the background!

Arghhhh . . . TACKLED!

We are creatures out of your control!! Waaahaaaaa!

Here we are finally in front of our apartment building. We had to take a 25minute bus ride home after the incident. It was scandalous and rollicking good fun all the way . . . for them that is.

Zoe en Voice

2010-05-06T04:18:00.005-04:00

“I know a story of a girl who’s mommy flushed her down the toilet and then she flushed her back up and said, ‘Oh no, mysweetie’s in the toilet!’ And then she put her in the bath and then she was shiny and she washed the tub and it was shiny and then they were happy. And I know that. "

Our chandelier drops it’s glassy orbs regularly. I found Zoe holding onto one like a jewel and asked her about it, “I call it the Crystal of Change.”

Over dinner one night Z wondered about the beef in her stir fry, specifically where it came from. After I gently, generally explained, she became very stern having deduced the gore I didn't go into, “ O.K. That is BAD. BAD. BAD.” She gave me a severe thumbs down and continued, “They killed a cow and that is BAD. I’m not eating a cow ever again!”

Des has been trying to negotiate for a late night where we all stay up, as long as we want, and then all go to bed together. In the same bed. I have, so far, resisted. One night, Zoe felt suddenly triumphant as I continued to postpone and hedge on the idea. She announced wickedly, “When WE’RE grownups, we’ll send OUR children to bed and then stay up ALL NIGHT.” She then laughed a cruel laugh, “HaHaHaHaHa.”

Look at the sun in the water! It’s wonderful!

Mom, know what? I love you!

I want Grandma!

Zoe often has me pretend to be grandma. She’ll pack her bags and pretend to take a train and then ‘arrive’ calling me grandma. She’ll sit on my lap and tell me about her journey and say that she wants to stay with grandma forever.

I asked Zoe to wash the crumbs off her face. She informed me that she already did and explained that it was her “uncle” stuck to her face. She meant freckle.

Zoe: Des? I want to be the mom to your children.

Des: We can’t marry each other cause you’re my sister.

“I’m done with that thing, I’m done with it!” Her response to my oft repeated phrase that I only help a girl who helps herself.

Can we get a rain-bella because it’s raining?

Look at the clouds! I wish I was a cloud . . . a pink one.

During the first few moments after waking up for a school morning, Zoe pulls away from a hug and looks up at me, “Can we go back to bed?” I let several seconds pass. She spoke up again, “Is that a ‘NO’?”

Mom, can you do something you did last year?

After a dinner prayer, before we ate our spinach quiche, Zoe grumbled, “I don’t like this food! I’m not grateful for it!”

Zoe: Am I beautiful?

Nathan: Yes! You are beautiful!

Zoe: Yay! (To me) Know what daddy said? I am beautiful!

I want to keep you and never lost you! I don’t want to ever lost you!

While brushing Zoe’s hair we hit a snag. To defuse the pain I asked, “Wow! Where did that tangle come from?” Zoe answered, “I don’t know . . . I think from God.”

Over a dinner Zoe was refusing to eat, Nathan was attempting to philosophically reason with her about the benefits of eating vrs. starving. Zoe ended the conversation thus, “I get to choose what I do!” and then added, after Nathan called her ‘stubborn’, “You call me that and I call you Malfoy!”

After teaching Zoe the term ‘body of water’ as we walking by our nearby river, she later referred to it as, “A big water of a man.”

I asked Zoe one afternoon after school who she helped that day. She replied, “I helped nobody. I helped nobody two times.”

I wish Grandma was with us and even your sisters!

Desi Candor

2010-05-06T03:42:00.003-04:00

Des had a wound that merited a bandage. This was a big deal because not all wounds get bandages – they think everything should be bandaged, even if it’s a week old. Zoe said with approval, “You’re Dr. Mom!” Desi added, “Zoe’s the Dr. of Love,” (she’d helped him on the playground when he fell) “And I’m the Assistant of Fun!”

I noticed a lot of little white fluffy things out on our balcony and I asked Des what they were, he replied, “I don’t know. It might be terminal bacteria”

I’m going to pretend I’m a porcupine now.

“Who taught you all this BRILLIANT stuff?” Des asked me after a homeschool lesson on teeth.

I’ve had a couple of conversations with Des encouraging him not to use the word ‘fat’ when describing people. One evening he was talking about a character in a movie he’d just watched and was struggling to find the right words, he asked me, “What’s the modest way to say FAT?” Before I could reply, he’d found his descriptive words, “One was a short, round, CIRCLEST kid!”

Since I was in your tummy, I’ve been scared of the dark.

DPJ WORD DISSTORTIONS

Word: Instructions Des Distortion: Destructions

Word: Robbers Des Distortion: Robs

Word: Snot DD: Snod

Word: Disgusting DD: Excusting

Word: Ax DD: Ox

Word: Snickers (candybar) DD: Sneakers

Word: Skeleton DD: Skell

“I thought they’d give me lollipops for change.” He was explaining his first successful, sans mom, errand to the next door market for cucumbers.

“My feet are all sogged.” After walking through a big puddle of water in Tashkent.

Hi! My sweet little mommy!

“Fanta and Sprite are better than Coca Cola.” Des explained. I replied, “Oh yeah? Why?” He answered, “Because Coke has KATHLEEN in it.” [Kathleen is his grandmother’s name]

Des recently said he was including, “sandmuncher” on his personal bad-words-not-to-say list.

In a previous post, I explained our family behavior enhancement Point System. Des reasoned one afternoon after an omission, “I don’t lose a point, I just don’t get a point!”

During an intense hugging session Desi shouted out, “I love everyone in the whole universe, even the bad guys!”

On a recent Saturday, Des&Zoe were in high anticipation to spend the day at the house of Desi’s friend Tanamirzah. D graciously included Z in his plans, before checking with the family. After finding out that she couldn’t go after all, Zoe was devastated! As the bell announced their arrival, I tried to usher Des to the door but he resisted, “Wait! I wanna do something nice for Zoe!” He disappeared into their bedroom and returned saying, “I gave her my last piece of nice paper, permission to play with all my toys . . .” He turned back to the bedroom, “Look at her! It’s so sad!”

One of the (countless) things we’re working on with the Point System is turning off lights. Des recently observed Zoe leaving the bathroom and then gave me the play-by-play, “She was t h i n k i n g . . . She had an ‘OH!’ on her face . . . and then she ran back to turn off the light!”

During a happy a.m. cuddle, “Oh, WOW! We’re together! Even Zoe’s choking me!”

After hitting his leg on a hard surface and letting out a few tempered shouts. Des announced, “I didn’t cry! I didn’t cry! That means I’m getting better at getting bigger. You don’t cry when you’re bigger.”

I wish your parents called you Goofy Mom.

Des reported a middle of the night good deed, “I helped Zoe off the floor last night then went back to bed and HIT THE SACK!” I laughed heartily at this, then catching on, he began to repeat, “Hit the sack,” while I laughed on cue.

I’m an inappropriate movie.

My Little Boy's Pockets

2010-04-21T01:47:00.008-04:00

He has myheart in there, right next to the bottlecaps.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, who has a 4yearold little boy, and she was telling me about how her son always has his pockets full of thingsthingsthings he’s collected.

Wow! Did I smile and suddenly love LITTLE BOYS -- 10times more than my already 100x100 times. These littleboyquirks are completely new and wondrous to me. I grew up with girlsgirlsgirls – we ruled.

Desmond P. Jones, is a voracious littleboy collector. His eyes are constantly probing the ground for the precious things he knows it will yield. Recent finds have been: a broken Mickey Mouse alarm clock, used notebooks, empty matchboxes, rocks, pinecones, plastic bags, clothespins, playing cards, broken toys, fireworks casings, and, of course, bottlecaps — he even harvests other kids’ drawings from the garbage at school. When we were in Philadelphia for a month last summer, we began scheduling treasure hunts. Our neighborhood, in East Falls, has very grand old houses and on garbage day the things waiting on the curbs will make you sparkle. Des simply exploded. Every Monday, we would leave after breakfast with our bags and race against the trucks for the cast-off goods -- I was hoping for old furniture and books, he would take just about anything.

To emphasize the limitless possibilities of people’s trash, we went to a gallery on South Street that was filled with sculptures made from refuse – toys, electronics, furniture, etc. – we were in there for over an hour and Des was COMPLETELY inspired. Ha!

I secretly hope all this will refine into a passion for flea markets and yard sales and that we will be antiquing buddies all over the WORLD!

Happy Earth Day!
Go raid/recycle some garbage.

2010-04-05T00:54:00.014-04:00

Geeezz. . . it's like pulling teeth to get me to blog these days?

WHY?

I don't know if I have an answer to that question.

Thebabes&I had two weeks together due to spring break -- Nooruz -- Persian New Year. We don't live in Iran or anything (yet) but the Kazakhs dig the holiday. Similar Muslim roots, I suppose.

I was nervous about it. Spending all that time with mybabes, I mean. I know I just spent two months with them, out of school and bouncing all over the land, and survived. I wasn't really nervous about it in anticipation either. But I worried about this 2week break because I'd gotten some freetime to myself again and it's hard to let that go. Mostly, and maybe it's related, I don't like the part of me that hollers instead of talks, or to put it poetically, gently persuades them. Hollering is much easier and when my mind is numb, I holler.

Mybabes are really cool and I don't want them to think hollering is what you do to cool people.

Cause it's not.

Sometimes I like to tell myself that I see them first as people. And that comes second to seeing me as mother. I've tried to think about this a lot and this is what I mean: They are people first, independent of me as their mother. It's like, if I wasn't their mother, Des&Zoe would still be people, sentient beings.

This makes total sense, right?

Well, it does for me and so when I let myself really go with this idea, and here's my point, I treat them differently. Because they're people, not just littlechildren who annoy me sometimes and don't know anything about the world adults created and frankly aren't learning quickly enough. I see them growing up into adults with MEMORIES of these littlepeople moments with me and I want them to remember how well respected they were, how they were guided to see the possibilities within themselves and the duty they have to live with purpose -- and it makes me feel responsible to their adultpeople selves.

How can hollering convey all that?

Anyway, I really don't like to holler.

Oh, so if you can indulge me some more on this ___fill in the blank___ thought (I could suggest *insightful* or if all this is a great bore, though you're still reading!, *self-indulgent*)

I came up with a family motto, challenge, path -- if you will.

LIVING WITH PURPOSE
{so let it be written}

I have not read any parenting books so this might all be wrongwrongwrong per conventional wisdom (discuss this with me backchannel) but I wanted to inspire our littleforevergroup with some family principles. Yes. Finally.

Here they are -- The P's of PURPOSE

*Planning - Family Councils every Sunday night to review the below principles and inspire each other and schedule/plan our week.

*Points - Behavior Enhancement they earn points when they self-activate -- *remember and do* -- the pre-recorded messages I've declared since forever -- things like all the morning steps of makingbed, brushingteeth, gettingdressed; in addition to little courtesies like taking their dishes to the sink when finished, flushing the toilet, keeping toys off the floor, folding their clothes and putting them away, etc. I was getting sick to my stomach at the thought of spending two weeks in perpetual repetition of said steps&courtesies. When they remember these things, without me reminding them, they get points toward computergametime. 60pts=30mins // 120pts=60mins. Desi finally tallied 60pts on the final day of springbreak! Zoe was still 15pts off.

*Possibilities - To recognize the possibilities in our lives and set goals to achieve them. For example: Desi wants to learn how to bounce/dribble his beachball more effectively. Zoe wants to finally wipe her own bum. I want to read my scriptures every day. Nathan wants to find a job.

*Projects - Discuss and plan service projects and fun activities together.

*Progress - Temporal & Spiritual learning and growth. Setting a high premium on knowledge and obedience, education and meditation, and on living an examined life (I've been listening to Socrates:))

*Provident Living - Financial Management and Ethics. Boy oh boy, is that ever something we need to recognize as relevant in our lives. Darn it. Why does money have to be so important? Blech!

*Pure Religion -- Acknowledging the goodness of God and our relationship with him and our duty to love as he would love and live as he would live.

(Lots of biblical bits in John, 1st chapter, pulled all these together for me.)

The end.

p.s. A few pics below

Happy Easter!
{I love eggs with the coup still clinging to them}

This is Genia and I at the St. Patricks Day celebrations at Samal School. We were helping my Peace Corp friend Shannon with her little party. The Samal School is for disabled young adults. Genia is from Pav but spent the last 2years in NYC with her husband&son, who is Zoe's age, and it's oh-so-nice to have someone who can relate to living outside ones country.

This is Desmond's schoolfriend, Tanamirzah. They are great buddies. We've dined at their house -- great Kazakh food -- and eaten out in a pizza restaurant (Tana's mother, Fatima, ordered *4* pizza's for she&I&our 3children!) and hung out with them at our place. They even want us to do banya with them. Isn't it cool how friends get together and bathe? Fun.

This is the playground right outside our apartment building (shown in background, on right side). This was taken two weeks ago, the snow is melted now and thebabes can't get enough sunshine -- they want to be outside all the time. Yipeee!!

This is Zoe with Fatima when we were at their house for a Kazakh Food Fest! Fatima is lovely, she was Miss. Pavlodar once. She taught me how to cook this really great chicken and potato dish that they served us that afternoon. She found herself in my kitchen a couple of weeks later and suggested we make it together. SO FUN.

Some Things Stay the Same - Part IV

2010-03-11T14:23:00.001-05:00

I will search and conquer (with humor!)

Almaty, Kazakhstan

. . .

The Yellow Brick Road

2010-03-11T02:17:00.018-05:00

Let’s just jump right into it as if I’ve been a supreme blogger all the while. There was once this crazy family of four, who thought it would be interesting to live in Kazakhstan for another year.

That’s us. The Family Jones.

Forget village life however - that was only once in a lifetime. We set-up apartment keeping in Pavlodar, in northern Kazakhstan, about 2hours from the Russian/Siberian border. This apartment came with all the amenities we went without in the village – washing machine, insta-radiator heat, indoor plumbing, food varieties. We soon found it easier to make FRIENDS too! A small group of Peace Corp volunteers were about the city doing good works – I clicked instantly with Shannon Huett. Also, there were English teachers from the U.S. and lovely locals with hearty English skills. I even got a terrific job teaching English in 2 Kazakh schools. Thebabes went to a Russian speaking private school – it was tears and wailing in the beginning then sweet submission. Nathan took on a hefty teaching job 6 days a week and threw himself into it.

Nice life.

Then we were asked if we’d like to relocate, for a month, to another Kazakh city in the south. Taraz. Oooooh . . . milder winter weather, a southern city, a trip to Uzbekistan, a little adventure. Indeed it seemed interesting and we made preparations to move, in 1.5 days, on December 20th.

Our days became long and languid again. No school. We only had one friend. I tried to home school and then got bored. I went running regularly. Thebabes&I needed to renew our visas, they were set to expire on 21Jan. So after a month-ish, we applied for Uzbek visas and left for Uzbekistan (UZ)!

It was quite involved getting across the border – we drove in three different taxis, 3-4 hours each, through the countryside in search of the international border crossing. It took us all day. Zoe threw-up all over me.

We loved Tashkent instantly. It’s like the New York City of Central Asia, I said. The subway systems were strikingly beautiful. Yes, beautiful. The city felt like a city. More sedentary. The infrastructure was fantastic. We found fun restaurants but our hotel was a DIVE of the grayest, yuckiest kind for $20 a night. We submitted our passports quickly to the Kazakh Embassy and waited and bided our time in museums and long walks.

Something went wrong with the paperwork. There would be a delay while Nathan’s office in Pavlodar resubmitted it to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. We decided to hit the road and leave the dingy hotel for other cities!

We took a speedy train to Bukhara – an ancient silk road city that is remarkably preserved. People still live and work and create their art there. OH! What art! I was in my aesthetic paradise only with very little money. woewoewoe! We spent 4 days in Bukhara, feeling a little like locals, it’s so small and everyone came to recognize us and we them. Nice.

Samarkand is only a few hours from Bukhara via that fast train and we arrived in high anticipation. This city is legendarily beautiful! The TILES, the TILES which enamor all the ancient buildings . . . I couldn’t get enough! We walked around for 4days snapping photos with my camera phone. David of the Old Testament is entombed there. So on a lovely Sunday afternoon, in the light rain, we walked toward the rainbow in the sky and his tomb.

Things were not going well with the visa process though. We returned to Tashkent and waited for another two weeks. We found a better hotel at the train station for $25 a night and we were very comfortable but we felt increasingly anxious as we approached the expiry date of our UZ visas.

We waited right to the day before our UZ visas were to expire, but NO Kazakh visas were forthcoming. We had visas to no other country either. We were told that you could get one month visas on arrival at airports so we were left with flying out of UZ into Kyrgyzstan (KG). Getting Kyrgyz visas was seamless (and reasonably priced).

Nathan decided to take the KZ visa matter into his own hands and got in touch with good old Stan Tours in Almaty, KZ. Also, we were able to stay with Allen and Lori Palmer of Provo who were are in Bishkek for 9months on a Fulbright Teaching Scholarship at the University of Central Asia in Bishkek. They were terrific to us and after a week . . .

We had our one year KZ VISAS!

In total it took us over ONE MONTH to get these buggers.

*Lesson #1: Don’t go to UZ for anything that involves various government(s) cooperation. UZ is for shopping and bowing down before the architecture!

*Lesson #2: KG = kindness & efficiency.

*Lesson #3: Live in your own country.

So, we’re broke as can be but back in Pavlodar, KZ. It’s been a little over a week since our return. I really love Pavlodar.

I got the best greeting from my friend Victoria yesterday on the ploshid, out in front of the library. It was a greeting I’d dreamed of having in this country. One where someone calls out my name in happy recognition and moves toward me in eager embrace. Victoria clung to me and kissed my cheeks over and over again.

And it was bliss.

Next blog project: PHOTOS (courtesy of my camera phone)

#1 Marketplace in Samarkand

#2 I swoon Bukhara

#3 Uzbek Art

. . .

Desi Candor

2010-03-11T00:54:00.004-05:00

While eating a tasty pasta dinner Des explained, “Sometimes the smell eats for me.”

“Mom, you know what? I love you so much and I don’t want you to DIE!”

“I’m gonna be a dad who takes care of my kids – and tackles and tickles and not be smiley in pictures and stay home with my kids and take them to school.”

“Mom! I have a surprise for you, a ball made out of toilet paper and water!”

“I was just trying to defend myself against Zoe. She was an ANIMAL, she was a dragon trying to blow fire at me!”

“My nose is full of snod”

On his 3rd day of attending an all Russian school, DPJ asked, “Dad? Why do I have to go to school if all I do is sit there and do NOTHING ALL DAY?”

“Aren’t we going to watch ‘Sounds Excusting’?'” I had told him earlier that day that we would be watching ‘The Sound of Music” that evening.

“Zoe looks so cute in the morning – she looks like a rockstar!”

Zoe: Desi? Can you be Boots and I’ll be Dora?

Desi: No.

Zoe: Mom? Can you be Boots and I’ll be Dora?

Desi: But mom’s too big. Maybe, though, she can be a huge GORILLA boots! {Des, of course, later agreed to be Swiper.}

After being tickled DPJ exclaimed, “JOY!JOY!JOY! JOY knocked me OUT!”

While sitting at dinner Desi decides to turn a boring meal into an imaginary feast at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was quickly established that he would be Harry and Zoe Hermione. They both look at me. “How about I be Nearly Headless Nick!” I say with a chortle. Des looks at me for a moment (not even smiling) and says solemnly, “No, Snape.” I choked on my white bread.

While practicing writing his English alphabet one night, DPJ happily observed, “I’m happy I'm not dead yet, it’s fun being on this world.”

“Her hands feel like smooth macaroni.” Des observed of Zoe during a morning cuddle.

Des seems to have a very high body temperature and usually runs around shirtless while indoors. Nathan grabbed him one afternoon and observed, “I bet you don’t wear a shirt so I can squeeze your belly.” Des countered, “No, so the hotness can fly off my body.”

“Run for your lives and jump into the UNIVERSE!”

On a long train ride to southeast Kazakhstan we shared a train cabin with another American, A.C. from Atlanta, GA. He asked Desi at one point in their conversation, “Do you play sports?” Des responded enthusiastically, “Yeah! Basketball High School Musical!” For weeks he’d been replaying the first scene from High School Musical 3. We have an inflatable beach ball and he bounds around the living room singing and ‘playing basketball’.

Zoe: Can you stop kissing me please?

Des: But I can’t! You’re so cool!

“Dad, you’re a tremendous goofball.”

On trying to open the front door to our apartment in Taraz, Des capitulated, “I can’t! It’s too hard for me – that’s because I never do Pilates workout.”

Zoe is usually the first to rise in the morning and begins to chatter with me very eagerly. Des mumbled over to us one early morning, “How about you be sushed up.”

“I love mysister Zoe more than pizza!” It was Zoe’s 4th birthday and we were on our way to a much anticipated pizza restaurant in Taraz, KZ.

“Zoe? Why does you hair look like cabbage?” She had ponytail braids for a day and we had just taken them out.

On a sick day at home Desi sighed, “Ohhhh . . . I wish I could have some broccoli.”

Des regularly stumbles and bumbles when walking. On our first day out in Samarkand, UZ Des crashed pretty hard and observed, “I’m the tripper around here.”

Zoe en Voice

2010-03-11T00:14:00.003-05:00

“ I want to take a bath, OK? That’s my point!”

“Hey! Yours bum! That is yours big giant BUM!” Then she slapped me on the behind.

“I think superhero’s mommy help them clean up – why not you don’t?”

“My other girl will be named Ini and the other one is named Lunch. My boy is named Jackson and my other is Jeffy.”

The first thing Zoe said to me one morning was, “Mommy, we’re bestfriends!” And we hugged and kissed tightly and then she pulled away and said, “That was tough love.”

“I pinched mommy’s cheekmonk”

While remembering a memory back home in NYC she referred to it as, “The Happy Jones Place.”

Zoe has quite a vocabulary for calling names, mostly to DesmondJones. The majority are words she makes up when angry and it’s pretty clear they are intended as an insult. Her frequent one is Lizard. “You LIZARD!” There are also: Fuffer, Fuffet, Malpomb, Kaseba, Undol, Wizard, and Stish. {None of these are Russian words, btw}

“I ate it all gone to my throat!” She often announces this when she’s proud to have eaten her food.

Both mybabes are in school now. So 5days a week, we have those parting moments where I earnestly attempt to send them off with words of encouragement (wisdom!). It was somewhere in the third month of attending school (Dec) when Zoe asked me shortly, “Mom? Could you not say ‘rememberwhoyouare’ everyday?”

“1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 8 . . . 44 . . . OUT!” Z’s countdown before she pulls the plug out of the tub.

While opening a cupboard in the kitchen Zoe asks, “Can I have some I love you treats?”

“I’m growing up to be a grown up!”

Des and Zoe were mumbling the other day after Nate left the apartment before they were ready to leave (he went down early to dump the trash). Des grumbled while trailing down the stairs after N8, “Dads macaroni.” Zoe agreed, “Dad’s a bad guy.”

During a joint bath time, D&Z had taken to playing a game where one placed a hand over the others face and then pushed it under the water. I told them that the game was too dangerous and asked them to stop. I repeated myself a few times. Finally, Zoe had had enough of my parental supervision and spat at me, “If you say that again I’m going to hurt you!”

During our cuddle on the morning of her 4th birthday, Zoe happily declares to the universe, “I LOVE my mom and dad and Desi and Grandma and Grandpa and other Grandma and Grandpa!”

During dinner one night, Zoe tapped on DPJ’s shoulder and said, “You’re a genius!”

“Mom! Snap out of sleeping and play with me! Snap out of it! Snap out of it!”

“I love you mom and I don’t want to kill you either.”

Early one morning after Zoe cuddled up with Nate, a little air escaped from her behind. Nathan asked her, “Did you come in here to fart?” Zoe reasoned, “Oh, I guess all bums do that sometimes.”

After telling Zoe about how as a girl I shared a bedroom with my sister Holly, she sighed and said, “You have a spell on you.” I was surprised and repeated her statement with a question. She covered her face and sadly explained, “You’re a grown up and I didn’t see you as little.”

After squeezing Zoe’s cheeks together and calling her a chipmunk, she said, “I’m not a chipmunk, I’m your sweetie!”

The Irony is . . .

2009-11-02T04:24:00.012-05:00

After such a long, unblogger like silence the next time I post is to say, “previet” or “hello” because as I presently tap this keyboard (on my new laptop!) I am settled back into the country of Kazakhstan. The very one I saluted a farewell in my last post over 5months ago.

Oh, the funny timeline of blogging.

But we’ll get to that later. What I’d like to document first is the SUMMER OF MY DREAMS! 3months of peoplepeoplepeople. It was bounteous. I saw nearly everyone I wanted to see and spent a lot of time with my family – for good or bad as I was still reeling and recovering from the social isolation of the previous year and a half. It made me a little awkward, a little self-absorbed – perhaps even a little hard to be around.

Sorry.

Of course, there are picturespicturespictures and since my titanic expectations of a HIGH SPEED INTERNET CONNECTION have been realized (!!) I hope my blog will sparkle with more images. Well, that is, images from my cell phone. We’re a little camera challenged.

It feels good to be blogging again and I hope it will seem less like a tragic Charles Dickens or Thomas Hardy tale, as my sister-in-law put it after reading our last KZ coverage. She wept and couldn’t see for scrolling.

Sorry.

Lets get started . . .

When we landed the beginning of June, my sister Heidi drove us straight to her lovely place in Connecticut.

She made this her very own self. With love, lots of love!!

My wonderful babes had their first bath in the USA!

Just before my first shower, my sister Heidi and I posed for a pic. She literarly provided all needful things for us -- hot&cold running water, comfortable beds, gorgeous food (i couldn't stop staring at the contents of her fridge), a bag full of clothes for the babes (!), more food, shopping excursions, and a trip to the SPA for me. {All women should be able to spend a day at a SPA at least once in their lifetime. I mean it -- and I'm not the pampered type. ohmeohmy!} THANKS SISTER!

Our first meal was BBQ salmon -- I dreamed about it for months!

We took a daytrip to NYC to see friends and our old neighborhood.

:::sniffle:::

Zoe hooked up with her old friend Emelia Fugal. It was sweet.

Des and Porter Brien couldn’t believe they were together again. It was bliss.

After a week in CT we hurried to meet our anxious family in UT!!

Oh, the HAPPINESS!!

Once we settled ourselves in Cedar City we enjoyed all the normal things kids do . . .

scootering!!

Bikeriding!! ohmyheart!!

Swimming lessons – it’s summertime!!

Cooking in mymothers kitchen TOGETHER.

Campfires -- SuperAunties making a SuperMarshmallow stick!

All my sisters, thesuperaunties, were together for a few days . . .

This is Hailey

This is Holly

This is Heidi

and this is Heather (me)

{I mixed up the birth order, just for fun.}

Lots of garden time – we loved the garden!

Went to see (Great) Grandma Grace in SLC -- She'll be 101 years old this month.

Oh, and I turned 37 on July 4th.

Whew!

and that was just June!

I plan on fully indulging with more pics.

Dos Vadanya

2009-05-29T08:00:00.002-04:00

Woke at 5am this morning – FRIDAY! I can’t believe the day has come. I looked out toward the steppe last night, and the land and I spoke. We came to an understanding. How could one not when the evening was so warm and breezy and scented with lilac? The sun was setting and the cows had just come home and the children were in and out of their gates and my neighbor down the street was at the well filling her buckets and my family had just eaten and we were rosy and happy after a full spring day outside. Our last full day.

I smiled.

Goodbye good place. My 16months are up. I did it.

Goodbye lace curtain that hangs in our doorway. The flies usually found their way in anyway, but I loved feeling that the great outdoors was a cool, smooth walk through you.

Goodbye old sink with the prodigious drip. I am being generous. I really thought it was mean of you to grudge us free flowing water.

Goodbye Sultanat. Thank you for being our friend. Go forth with that flour tortilla recipe and the Indigo Girls strumming in your head.

Goodbye butter made-fresh from hardworking hands.

Goodbye big open sky – you thrilled mydaughter with your alternating populations of clouds, moon, sunsets and those big black&white birds. She couldn’t take her eyes from you.

Goodbye fizzy water. Will icecubes sufficiently satisfy us with your flat counterpart?

Goodbye market merchants. Thanks for those occasional smiles and for eventually understanding my Russian. I only speak the language of commerce.

Goodbye general rubbish – my son couldn’t get enough. He has combed the land and brought back enough odds&ends from several households. He loves your old teapots and chipped dinnerware, cigarette boxes and tall green glass bottles. And anything metal.

Goodbye Catholic Church friends. You must have reserved the entire village supply of smiles. Thank you for overlooking my children’s rudeness. Thank you for always showing us such kindness. We will never forget you.

Goodbye afternoon naps. I was the only one in the house who took them regularly. Worked like a charm – time passed and I am going home.

Goodbye Rosa – Can you know how your constant concern for us made us feel? Your regular phone calls from Pavlodar? We hope all your dreams come true – excellent people like you should have no other fate.

Goodbye $70/mo rent for this 5-room house. We paid off one credit card. 16months of not worrying about money has changed us. We like it. A LOT.

Goodbye lovely vegetable gardens – you’ve caused me to dream new dreams. I can’t get enough of your order, you’re perfectly raised dirt morsels. Rich dark-brown mingled with vibrant green are the fecund colors of the universe!! It makes me drool.

Goodbye Evelyn. You represented what I wanted to be and feel here – positive, happy, alive. Thanks for your freshness, for your thoughtfulness, for coming to see us and bringing SUCH LIGHT!

Goodbye 28.8 dial-up speed. You belong in the 1990s. Go back and take that monstrous virus with you.

Goodbye banya – Saturdays will not be the same without you. I will reallyreallyreally miss your hot vapors and that bundle of birch branches slapping my skin.

Goodbye LeRoy and Anne Welling – You gathered us to you and made us feel like we were home. It brings me to tears!! You approach life with such love and generosity – we have been taking notes. we want to BE LIKE YOU!! Thank you!

Goodbye . . .

Remember these faces?

2009-05-23T07:11:00.001-04:00

Coming soon to a city near you . . .

Desmond P. Jones

{Two front teeth missing!}

AND

Zoe D.K. Jones

{Wait till you hear her little voice!}

Put away your breakables and open up your arms! These babes are ready for some LOVING!

Desi Candor

2009-05-23T07:09:00.002-04:00

Zoe: I’m going to put on my ballerina dress now!

Des: I’m going to put on my handsome dress!

“I’m happy it’s a long time away.” After talking about growing up and leaving mommy

“Remind me cause I’ll forget – my mind is just a little mind after all.”

After Des finished telling me a really long story he asked me, “What was your favorite part? Was it when I stopped crying?” I asked him why he was crying in his story (the details were fuzzy) He answered, “Because I coughed and my back stung me in pain!”

Des marched happily into the kitchen and asked, “Can I have 7 gulps of water please?”

“I don’t know which girls I will marry. When I walk around the village I’ll look.” After thinking for a bit he then asked, “When Zoe grows up will she get married?”

“Shall we celebrate the day the Piepers came?” He proposed this idea the day after they left us – we were all so rejuvenated by their visit!! And he loved playing with baby Sophie a lot!

On our way back from the market a large hay truck rambled past us and as they did so a man leaned out the window and shouted something in our direction. I turned to Des, which I do more often now, and asked him what the man said to us. Des said, “I don’t know – he spoke a Russian I didn’t understand.”

We picked up a surprise treat/toy box at the market. There was a small piece of wrapped gum included with the picture of a woman’s face on it. Des mumbled as we walked home, “I don’t like women gum but I’m grateful for what I have as the old saying is . . . “

On a particularly droll day that found me on my bed for most of it, Des and Zoe talked me into getting down the bag of summer clothes. After they’d tried everything on, they joined me on the bed for a tickle session and Desi in high-hyper-happiness exclaimed, “Ahhh. . . this is so much fun! This is such a FUN day! This is my FAVORITE day ever!” I’m so glad they have different ways of evaluating a day.

“Won’t it be great to have a mom cat someday and then we can get lots of CAT KIDS!”

We usually spend a lot of time in my bed in the mornings – cuddling and talking about their dreams, about the day, about what we’ll do when in nyc/ut . . . One morning Desi began to tell me about a dream where he was drinking really yummy milk. Then he summed up his feelings, “I loved that milk dream. It was the best dream! I’m so glad I had a dream about MILK!”

While eating bread and butter: “I’m gonna marry this piece of bread!" Then he added seriously, "Do you want to write that down? I’ll get you a pen.”

“I’m not awesome, I’m crazy!”

To Zoe: “You’re stinking in pink!” Too much pink.

Whenever thebabes do something nice to each other, I usually turn to the one who received the good deed and say, “Who’s the greatest brother/sister in the world?!?” When I recently repeated this cheer because Zoe had done something generous, Desi added, “. . . and Zoe’s the greatest girl in the world!”

After some very bold demonstrations fo Hulk-like anger, DPJ paused sweetly, “I have something interesting to say: the Hulk is green like the Grinch.”

After being told we were having borst for dinner, Des said in a hushed, slow voice, “ohhh nooo . . . that’s bad . . . “

One after noon we were listening to a satellite radio station on the television when Desmond protested, “I want to watch regular TV, all these adult songs are obnoxious! So Zoe&I turned it off and gave each other a high-five”

While Des&Zoe were cuddling on the bed when D suddenly pulled back and said, “Zoe’s elbow smells like throw-up.”

This gum tastes like old cheese.

I’m gonna rip your laugh off to a sad grin.

Zoe en Voice

2009-05-23T06:54:00.004-04:00

While looking at a freckle on her arm she said, “I have polka-dots!”

“Is he a superhero?” She was pointing to the picture of Joseph Smith on the Teachings of the President’s of the Church Manual.

Zoe will point at the two of us and say, “We are GIRLS! and Desi and dad are boys.” She loves to make this happy little point regularly.

While playing with Desi, I overheard her say, “Thank you Batman! You’re a genius!”

Zoe walks up to Desi and I holding a sock, “This is a wet sock. It’s actually wet&wet&wet.” Des and I laugh and Desi says, “How did you learn how to say ‘actually?’”

“I think it’s so interesting to sleep.”

After drinking a cup of milk and immediately coughing, she explained when she could talk again, “That milk just snuck up my nose!”

“Thank you for this lovely breakfast!”

After scratching her elbow, Zoe said, “I wish bugs not eat my elbow!”

Des and Zoe were having a little mock battle – Des was saying, "You’ll never defeat me!” and Zoe retorted, “Darth Vador – You’re a bad guy! You ever not feet me!”

I asked Zoe what her full name was: “Kathleen Zoe Dinana Jones!”

Zoe looked at Oleg the cat and asked, “Can I call him Rum Punch?”

Zoe looked out the window one evening and shouted with happiness, “The sunset is here!! Should we go outside?!”

All I do is stare at the calendar

2009-05-12T14:24:00.002-04:00

PakahPakah-KZ-countdown is:

- 2 more mondays

- 2 hot&steamy banya sessions

- 2 in-home sacrament meetings

- 2 more hand-wringing laundry sessions (!)

- 1 more borst night (I’m the only fan)

- 1 more trip to the catholicchurch for a roll on the lawn and tearful goodbyes

- several more evenings watching the cows come home

- 4-5 more excursions to the steppe to watch mybabes chase the sunset!

Also, it looks like we’ll return to NYC and I’m stunned . . . can it be? I’ve wanted it so much! Nathan received a writing fellowship and though he’s a little torn about returning to a life of DEBT he emailed his acceptance. Honestly he would love to stay – he’s applied for a few jobs/fellowships here in KZ and Kyrgyzstan. Before I can even entertain such notions I must get HOME first.

AGREED?

Funny story: the Department of Education here in the Pavlodar oblast (i.e. state) called to speak with Nathan about working for them. They asked some questions about the different classes he’s taken and taught over the years. He explained his research and his anticipated anthropology degree. They asked about my work as well. Then the woman said she’d call back – and just a couple of hours later she called to announce, “The Department of Education would like to offer you a job teaching biology next term.” Nathan had to stifle a laugh and explain that he absolutely could NOT teach biology. The woman countered that surely he’d taken biology classes (yeah, undergrad, over a decade ago!) when Nathan convinced her that he couldn’t teach she then asked, “Well, can your wife teach biology then?” Oh boy.

Moving on.

Can I get a witness?

2009-04-28T13:19:00.005-04:00

Yes!

And she’s a better blogger!

Evelyn Pieper, who lives in Almaty with her husband and adorable 10month old daughter, packed up her little family and took the 2-day trip north to our village and stayed with us for three days!! We have become great friends over the year that we’ve all been in Kazakhstan. There have been only four American (Mormon) women I’ve come to know in this country – Sister Anne Welling, Robin Wikle, Sister Pat Vincent and Evelyn Pieper – I want to remember these women FOREVER!!

There has been a picture draught on this blog (as well as prose) but if I still have any readership left you will be rewarded by clicking over to Evelyn’s blog for tons-o-details and images from their visit with us – she’s posting up a STORM (even photos of our bathroom!)

The Pieper Family
Couldn’t Ask for More
{scroll down}

Something happy is in the air

2009-04-09T15:38:00.004-04:00

With no pictures to upload due to the incapabilities of dial-up speed -- and just today DesmondPJones broke my camera -- I suppose I’ve been operating under the impression that one simply cannot blog.

Am I wrong?

Oh, and I NO LONGER have a laptop computer of my own. That would be ZoeDKJones, the ninja-sommersaulter. She splits screens from keyboards with a single tumble.

Happily, other diversions are emerging. The world was puddle-wonderful for about a week. Huge, massive puddles that made me think of Russia. We arrived at the dawn of spring this time last year and it’s quite strange to think that we’re still here going through another spring season. Stange and, yes, kind of exciting. I’m feeling the spring excitement. I walked up my street, toward the sunset, for the first time in 5months and it was exhilarating! I love smelling the earth, esp. the soil of village life: the small fires burning leftover leaves and debris, the animals thawing in their small little winter spaces. I LOVE these smells.

The world seems friendly again.

Des&Zoe are responding enthusiastically and have showed increased interest in going outside again. We bought some rope and put the swing back up on the big tree near the front gate. They’ve already dug a huge hole in the ground about the size of Zoe and gathered up a sizeable portion of the rubbish around the property and created a little ‘home’ for themselves. They have spent hours out there and it feels so good! One blissful evening I brought out a bowl of potatoes and a paring knife (just like my great-grandma!) and peeled potatoes and watched thebabes play around with the neighbors, Sasha and Tanya. It had been over 5months since they’d last played with other children their age in this way.

Our friends the Piepers from Almaty, the other Fulbright Mormon family here in KZ (!), have decided to pay us a visit with their little babeSophie. ohmyheart! I can’t express how excited I am to have people visit us!! Evelyn said she had to see all this for herself – she may be in for a shock, starting with the little box we keep beside the toilet for used tolietpaper (to burn later). We are going to get a lamb, fatten it up, and while they’re here feast on plov, shashlik, bishbarmak – all things juicy and lamb-y!

Today we went to the Catholic Church to see how green the grass is getting. Can’t wait to lounge on the lawn again. I went back this evening for the Easter services. A nice solo night out. I cried through the whole thing. It was very touching -- I LOVE spiritual spaces and the people that worship in them. Father Bonaventura at one point in his service (which was spinkled with English -- he's from Colorado) knelt down and washed the feet of his alter boys and two of his workers. I cried some more.

HAPPY EASTER!

Desi Candor

2009-03-19T02:19:00.001-04:00

While reading the Children’s Friend one Sunday afternoon with Sister Welling (during a visit to Astana) she pointed to a picture of the prophet and asked Desi who it was, “Thomas Baracka?” He replied.

What will you do with those nursing things when you don’t have a baby anymore?

“I’ll give you 3 birthday hugs Zoe! “ After Nathan gave her 3 birthday body slams and I gave her 3 birthday spankings.

“Mom! Blow on my tongue!” After eating spicy noodles.

When we visit Almaty we get to go to church in a branch with a primary. I was prepping Des for the eventuality of separating for our classes and he sighed, “I wish Ayden and Porter got out of your belly too like me and Zoe.” He wished he had his primary friends with him!

“My eyes are making me close my eyes.” He was getting sleepy on the bus in Almaty.

After watching the “Little Mermaid” with Des&Zoe (thanksmom!) I jokingly turned to Des and asked him if he was going to have a happy ending. He replied confidently, “I’m not going to have an ending to my dreams!”

Zoe and I made a deal – we’re brothers now.

Mom, I’m warm everywhere except my freckles. [I thought of you AuntieHolly when he said this!]

I want to go back to Alien World where there’s no mothers.

During a Family Home Evening Q&A session, Des raised his hand enthusiastically and shouted, “I know, I know! Zoe doesn’t know anything, she’ll just talk about ballerina stuff.” [I can’t tell you how many parts of me bristled when he said this!]

Des put his arm over Zoe’s shoulder, “We’re buddies.” He thought they both looked alike after gooping their hair with gel and brushing it off to the side.

While watching the trailers leading up to a movie, Desi laughed and said, “That is funny-delicious, I wish i could eat that movie!”

The best present I love is kisses.

When Des is overflowing with littleboyengery he usually chants, “I like to move it, move it Africaanski!”

“Karate chop action!” Then he usually kicks a door open or something.

Out of the bedroom I hear Desi shout happily to Zoe, “Thanks for saving me you darling girl!”

I had a dream and mom gave me a lollipop and I was licking it all pretend-y and then I woke up licking my hand.

Zoe en Voice

2009-03-19T01:56:00.003-04:00

I want ponytails – I gonna be so dressy!

After brushing her teeth she inhaled and exhaled happily and said, “My breath feels clean and nice”.

“I want hairback.” She has a hairy back and she loves to have Nathan, who started it as a joke, tug on her little hairs. It calms her.

I love you Desi so much!

I asked Zoe what her nickname was and after thinking for a minute she replied, “It’s in my mouth and it’s soso big!”

I had a good dream about ponies.

In a voice of protest: “Desi sing happy birthday to me – i don’t want him talk to me!”

“My nose snuffy!” Then after a bitty puff into a tissue she sniffed and said, “ahhhhh . . . . yummy!”

After getting a little wound on her finger she told me, “I saw my blood and it was scaaaaary!”

That is a yummy kiss!

Mommy, put pink clothes on me please!!

During playtime with Desi, Zoe did something to upset him and she followed him around for 2minutes asking him in a cheery voice, “Desi do you like me? Desi do you like me? Desi are you liking me?” Des told her he needed a little rest and then maybe he would (after that he asked her to fetch him a beverage.)

Jesus can turn me into a baby with his magic wand.

“I love to eat my cry. I love it!” Salty tears are tasty.

The world is my oyster . . . that is unless I don’t speak the language

2009-03-08T08:43:00.001-04:00

A long year has just passed.

We uprooted ourselves with great difficulty from New York. It’s hard to leave the place and people you love for the unknown, those friendless places. The four of us gathered close to each other, fenced in by our 17 parcels of possessions, and have tried to accustom ourselves with this part of the earth.

I can’t say I’ve done well or that I know what this lingering year has meant to me and my family relationships. Have I grown the way I should? How do I compute the self-discovery regularly accompanied by self-loathing? The dreamy and provincial alongside subtexts of the lonely and nightmarish; the simplicity that has absorbed our lives and bloated it with hollowness and boredom? I look at all this and wonder if I am to understand that this reduced place – without imagination, without ambition – is what happens when I do not have people around me in abundance. People that I can exchange life and air and words with.

But still, all this time we’ve spent here and I have not settled in on what to think about it, what the ruling will be. I can’t completely evaluate it, I suppose, while still in the middle and muddle of it. I do hope, really hope, that the soft tongue of memory and distance will in the end produce a pearl, which will be luminous and valuable to me.

You still there?

2009-02-23T12:59:00.001-05:00

I am not the blogger I once was.

What is it?

The SEEDY VIRUS that has taken over my modem and boots me off after 1minute?

or is it . . .

FACEBOOK?

Whatever it is things are a little too silent over here in my corner. I need to thaw out these fingers.

FOR THE SAKE OF THE GRANDPARENTS!!

I suppose it is well to say that we are drifting along – nothing exciting. We hardly step out of doors. It’s so cold.

I mean it is SO COLD
Our nostrils freeze within seconds of stepping outdoors. Have you ever had that happen? Nose hairs stiffen? It’s uncomfortable.

Des refuses to go out in weather like this. He’s been keeping busy with his scissors. He has a lot of spiderman comic books and he loves cutting them up. Sometimes he’ll cut off heads and switch them with other guys – also hair, hands, legs, accessories. He goes through a lot of glue. We are constantly picking up little bits of paper. He loves it and I keep quiet until clean-up time. He also still loves to dress up and jump around like a crazy man. I wish i could post his recent costume' (wretched virus!) which included blue tights, a red cape and a plastic sack between the legs. He looked awesome.

Zoe does a lot of quietly looking at books and playing with her ‘princesses’ and horses. She also puts on her dress-up clothes and asks me to put on music and dance with her. I do almost anything she asks me to do – she’s bewitching.

Nathan is scheming for our future. Applying all over the globe. I dream of working at Columbia University in NYC and visiting with family&friends when we get back.

The countdown is . . .

3 months!!

Thanks for all your LOVE and see you over on Facebook – er, I mean, later right here on my blog.

The moment has passed . . .

2009-02-08T14:37:00.003-05:00

I’m learning something about myself – if I don’t write things down, I forget them. Grocery lists and to-do lists aside (of which I am an avid keeper), it’s the things my children say, the learning moments and even the hard things, the ones that nearly break me. . .

Just a few days ago I was really struggling with all this housing arrangement business but the emotional heaviness of the moment is starting to dim. I’m forgetting.

Only because I’m happy, quite happy with the mid-week reversal.

So there we were at Valya’s – all tense, all silent (except for my high-spirited children)and it was suffocating. I didn’t know where we would live and from what I’d seen (one house) I was ready to go home to mymother. This was the first time I’d felt this way. I told Nathan how I felt and he was crushed but I felt better after saying it (sorry honey!) This was on Wednesday and later that afternoon we left thebabes with Sveta (Valya’s wife) while we went to the house to pack our things up. After an hour, Valya joined us with his son Pavel (who incidentally is a suspect in the break in) and his fiancée Galina. They began rolling up carpets and removing them from the walls.

When the carpet from the wall dividing our room from thebabes room was removed, Pavel noted the auxiliary stove – the first woodburning stove in the dom before the one in the kitchen was built – it probably hadn’t been used in 30years. But he asked the question, one neither Nathan nor I nor Valya thought to ask, what about this stove? Why couldn’t it heat the house sufficiently? Valya gave him the go ahead to try it out and we all stopped packing. The rest of the day was spent monitoring the stove and adding fuel every few hours or so.

It was working.

The next morning Nathan and I happily departed for the dom. It was decided among all of us that this would work. IT WOULD WORK!!! So we left thebabes again with Sveta and we spent the entire day cleaning the dom, unpacking and getting ready for normalcy again. Oh!! The excitement!! Around 7pm it was blissfully warm inside (while a blizzard was raging outside), relatively clean, and quite cozy. We picked up ourbabes and the rest of our stuff and

WE WENT HOME!!

How grateful I am that we have been able to stay in this house – after seeing the alternative – it is the best for us.

Oh, and it’s warmer.

The stove, remember, is in the wall between our room and thebabes. Before we were the furthest room from the stove in the kitchen and the water pipes didn’t get as hot as everywhere else.

We are SO TOASTY!!!

There will be a lot more work to do. For one thing Nathan is now cleaning TWO stoves as well as fueling them TWICE a day. And the coal dust will now be t h i c k EVERYWHERE.

CINDER-JONESES

But I’m energized and it was actually helpful to spend a little time with Sveta in her dom. She was quite fastidious in her domestic duties and I’ve been newly inspired. We don’t have much, it’s true, but I appreciated an opportunity to see how she used her resources and I feel I can apply her approach.

As an aside, Oleg Petrovich, the cat that came with the house, is now back to looking like his Russified namesake, Oliver Twist. He’s quite scrawny again and gets a little too overexcited whenever we approach his food bowl. Des has begun to confidently take him by the scruff of the neck and oust him when I’ve had enough of him under-my-feet. I HATE stepping on cats.

Oh, and really the cherry-on-top of this nightmare reversal is receiving the package mymom sent stuffed with videos. Since returning to our dom, when thebabes have gone to bed, Nathan and I cuddle up in our warm bedroom and watch “Pride and Prejudice.”

It’s quite perfect.

Quite.

So one day I thought . . . why not?

2009-02-06T09:54:00.002-05:00

The Apron Stage

So I’ve put myself out there . . . as in I’ve taken a little skip-hop over to another blog – one filled with literary folks opining about life in writerly fashion – and I made a contribution.

They say they’re still in ‘beta’, I say the same about myself.

Just for fun.

Click over and read me.

A little bitter with the sweet

2009-02-04T01:05:00.003-05:00

We were away from our little village for over three weeks. THREE WEEKS of daily hot showers, laundry machines, electric insta-heat, food varieties, English speaking friends, a branch to attend church, high speed internet, museums and restaurants . . .

MODERNITY.
RELAXATION.
FAMILY TIME.

We were on a mission to get new Kazakh visas – our local immigration folks had a problem with us living in the village. So our Fulbright contact at the U.S. Embassy decided to sponsor us with a diplomatic note, which they say will put us above the whimsy of the law.

We hope so.
(diplomatic note!)

We had to leave the country to get new KZ visas. We went to KYRGYZSTAN!!! It surprised me, it pleased me – in a word, I liked it there. We met together on Sunday for church with a young couple from BYU, the Barnes, who are here on an internship for three months (AWESOME PEOPLE!) and Jildez and her daughter. Jildez shared her testimony, we all did, and it was POWERFUL!! The Barnes came over the following night for family home evening – they introduced the game charades to thebabes. (Watch out family, they love it!!)

We are now back in our village but are currently without a home. Our dom was broken into a week ago and they didn’t bother to shut the doors on their way out. All the pipes froze. All the radiators cracked. The heating system is ruined. So far the only thing we’ve determined the thieves took were Valya’s satellite player/receiver and our collection of Russian pirated videos. They messed things up but there was no money to find. All this is going to cost Valya hundreds of dollars (thousands of tenge) to repair.

We are staying at his house but will soon be on our way out. We are looking at new homes to rent – the top of the list is a small dom: 4 rooms total, sparsely furnished, outhouse facilities only and a water pump down the street. I’ve been crying for mymother for two days.

BUT . . .

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
TAKING IT MOMENT. BY. MOMENT.
(some advice from my supporters -- thanks!)

We are playing a lot of card games (thanks mom) as we wait and try to be quiet here in this house. Nathan will soon earn his badge for the Master of Consecutive Problem Solving.

That Ph.D. might mean something too in the future.

Birthday girl Zoe

2009-01-31T13:34:00.004-05:00

We took an overnight train to modernity over three weeks ago – a few days in Astana and then another 20hour train to Almaty. When Zoe’s birthday rolled around on

JAN 17th
we were able to show her a really good time.

PIZZA
MOVIE
TOY STORE SHOPPING SPREE
DINNER WITH FRIENDS
FANCY BIRTHDAY CAKE

It was a full day out and about the city – we stopped at the toy store first and she picked out a CAMEL. With bells. She’s into it.

Then I found her a magic wand for about $2 and she was transported – she spent the rest of the day waving it around and mumbling to herself and asking me over and over again what it was called.

A MAGIC WAND
and then she’d repeat it over&over&over again until she forgot.

Have I mentioned how much I love little girls?

I LOVE THEM!!!

MyZoe is now three!

3

I love looking into her chocolate brown eyes. They are so bright, so warm, so clear and open. They are friendly. They are familiar – my mother and sisters all have brown eyes. It’s perfect.

I love listening to her talk. Her lips expand and retract, her dimples sink and rise, her eyes roll from side to side – I always lean in, nearly in her face. I want to absorb what she’s telling me. I want to breath it. I utter hushed exclamations to keep her going. I always want more.

I love embracing her. She is the perfect little form to curl up with, to snuggle and hide with. She has this happy little giggle when you take her into your arms. Ohhhh . . . she is delicious to me!

I’m such a big girl now I’ll share my magicwand with my brother!

A magicwand and a carousel – what a happy birthday combination!

I think she was hoping for a little Mary Poppins magic.

Strolling with Dad on the streets of Almaty.

Nathan is carrying all her birthday loot and the cake!!

Standing in front of the toystore where she scored BIG!

She doesn’t really expect a lot (yet).

The brown eyes I LOVE!

Taking a little birthday girl beauty snooze.
If you rest this way, all the special treatment won’t go to your head.

Pulling out the cake after a yummy dinner at the Vincent’s apartment. Des told her it was a Spiderman web cake – she thought that was cool.
(Actually, the cake wasn’t nearly as yummy as Sister Vincent’s apple crisp!)

Dostoevsky

2009-01-22T08:39:00.003-05:00

"Man is a mystery. It needs to be unravelled, and if you spend your whole life unravelling it, don't say that you've wasted time. I am studying that mystery because I want to be a human being."

— Fyodor Dostoevsky

A literary romantic like me lives for these moments.
Come along with me for a walk down
Dostoevsky Street in Semey, Kazakhstan.

Fyodor Dostoevsky was a young, vibrant writer living in St. Petersburg, Russia when he was sentenced to death with several others of the Petrashevsky Circle, a group of utopian socialist intelligentsia. Don’t they sound cool? While lined before the firing squad they were granted a last minute reprieve and were instead exiled to Siberia (I kinda know how that feels – Siberian exile). He spent 5 years in a convict prison in Omsk followed by 5 more years (1857-1859) of enforced military service in Semey, which is now in Kazakhstan.

It was in Semey, in this log house, where he began his most extraordinary novel
The Brothers Karamasov.
(which I am still comprehending – one page at a time. It’s glorious)

Let's go inside
:::my heart is speeding up:::

IS THIS THE DESK??

no.

But isn't it a lovely era-relevant stand in?
Take a closer look -- there is PAPER on that desk.
:::breath in, breath out:::

These are actual, real life – I TOTALLY BELIEVE IT – manuscripts from F.D. himself!!

UPCLOSE
Such fervent, emotional renderings.

I love what paper and ink can conjure.
Suddenly the Russian script takes on a romantic, lovely form to me.

My children were along to IMBUE, INSTILL, INSPIRE.
Doesn't he look speechless; doesn't he look overwhelmed with awe?

Across the room we can take a figurative sit-down to gaze and reflect at the desk, at the writings, and the GENIUS that was DOSTOEVSKY!

Salvation Flour Tortillas

2009-01-17T00:24:00.002-05:00

I miss familiar foods and even just the general abundance of foods. There are not many vegetables to be found in our village – except potatoes, carrots, onions and occasionally tomatoes, cucumbers and beets. When Nathan goes to Pavlodar, I have him bring home herbs and green/red peppers and zucchini, a pale green variety, if he can find it. I do still have a couple of large unknown summer squash that I put aside for the winter. Every time I look at them, it makes me so happy.

Also during the summer I stock piled a lot of beans. I LOVE beans!! This summer there was this little woman at our rynick selling her beans (the bean babushka!) from a large burlap bag and whenever I saw her I would always get 4 scoops. I was sure we’d enjoy eating a lot of beans this winter.

It took the discovery of a very tremendous flour tortilla recipe, and the inheritance of baking powder, to ensure that we would enjoy our beansbeansbeans!! I obviously can’t go to the store and buy flour tortillas – there are substitutes in the larger cities, one nice flat bread is called lavash. However, I found a flour tortilla recipe online and I wanted the real thing but it called for baking powder. This was tricky because neither I nor the other Americans that I’ve talked to have been able to find baking powder in this country. Baking soda – yes; baking powder – no. When the Wikle’s left their work at the US Embassy in Astana they sold the bulk of their western food treasure trove to the Wellings, who are the LDS Humanitarian missionary couple and also live in Astana. When we started visiting regularly and staying with them they opened up their food supply to us, which included baking powder – along with a lot of other things like dried black beans and lentils!! My mom then mailed me baking powder in a Ziploc baggie along with some taco seasoning.

Homey, nostalgic SALVATION!

Seriously, when I give one of my habitual sighs, and open my meager cupboards I am comforted by the thought, “Make flour tortillas and it will be alright.” Because the flavors of the beans and the sour cream and the fresh peppers and, on occasion, the taco seasoned meat, mingles so consolingly with those soft, chewy, flour-y warm tortillas. It tastes so good and familiar and all this helps me through the moment. Moment by moment right?

And in the morning, I fry an egg and warm the homemade refried beans and tortilla’s and we have huevo ranchero’s!!

HEAVEN!
So enjoy a flour tortilla with some fresh cooked beans and feel glad.

Texas Flour Tortillas
I usually double this recipe.

Ingredients:
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
1 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons of vegetable oil
3/4 cups of warm milk

Method:
Mix together the flour, baking powder, salt and oil. Slowly add the warm milk. Stir until a loose, sticky ball is formed. Knead for two minutes on a floured surface. Dough should be firm and soft. Place dough in a bowl and cover with a damp cloth or plastic wrap for 20 minutes.

After the dough has rested, break off eight sections, roll them into balls in your hands, place on a plate (make sure they aren’t touching) and then cover balls with damp cloth or plastic wrap for 10 minutes. (It’s very important to let the dough rest; otherwise it will be like elastic and won’t roll out to a proper thickness and shape.)

After dough has rested, one at a time place a dough ball on a floured surface, pat it out into a four-inch circle, and then roll with a rolling pin from the center until it’s thin and about eight inches in diameter. (If you roll out pie crusts you’ll have no problem with this.) Don’t over work the dough, or it’ll be stiff. Keep rolled-out tortillas covered until ready to cook.

In a dry skillet, cook the tortillas about thirty seconds on each side. It should start to puff a bit when it’s done. Keep cooked tortillas covered wrapped in a napkin until ready to eat. Can be reheated in a dry skillet, over your gas-burner flame or in the oven wrapped in foil.
While you probably won’t have any leftovers, you can store in the fridge tightly wrapped in a paper towel then plastic for a day or so.

Yield 8 tortillas.

A little wordy … grab a beverage.

2009-01-14T07:37:00.002-05:00

It’s been a nice holiday season for us here in KZ. We’ve had lots of together time re-establishing our traditions. Zoe will likely have more memories of Christmas for next year to build up the anticipation; Des too. They both slept-in and were eventually roused up by their over-excited daddy who couldn’t wait another minute to begin the morning.

We started things in the kitchen with a blindfolded Des, who was guided to sit down on our kitchen stoop, then Nathan placed a big bucket of coal in front of him and said “Merry Christmas!” He opened his eyes and laughed along with us – he had to be coaxed into a pout for this picture.

Zoe is always mindful of the things we get for her – for instance, while putting on clothes she’ll say, “Mommy, you got me this flower shirt?” And I’ll say something like, “Yes” and then she’ll sum it up with an, “Oh.” She does this over many of her things – taking note, tracing origins. Christmas morning she was just as audible about all her treasures, “This is mine?” or “You got this for me?” Sweet gratitude.

A few days after Christmas we hosted a little party at our dom, it was DPJ’s idea and I jumped on it (shock!) We painted little Christmas tree and manger invitations and then went to the Catholic Church to hand them out. We were so excited!! We baked and we cleaned and we recruited our little tween-ager girl following to help us (a group of 3 girls who come over regularly to just hang out with us.) So the day came and our little tween-ager friends were helping us set up, we laid out several liters of juice, platters of cookies and cinnamon rolls, bowls full of oranges and grapes . . . one of the girls, Sasha, indicated to me that I had set out too many cups and I said no because Father Bonaventura was coming along with Sister Martina and Sister Florida and Brother Gary and on&on listing many of the other kids . . . their eyes grew wide and they shrieked and chattered in Russian like out of breath sprinters and then THEY FLED! I have no idea what was going on and why they didn’t understand about the party when everyone else did – Sasha even wrote out all the invitations per Nathan’s directions!! Anyway, many people came and it was SO FUN! Lots of English and German and Russian was spoken and we all got along famously. I love it when Des gets a great idea.

On New Years Eve, Vayla came by around 10pm and took us to the centre marketplace in his car. There were lights everywhere and a stage with people singing, a huge icy slide that kids were sledding down, a few ice sculptures and fireworks! It was FUN and FREEZING – I’m beginning to wonder if the purpose of going outside is just to confirm that it is better to be inside; to STAY inside. Des and Zoe certainly feel this way.

We recently purchased our tickets home for JUNE – that is thebabes&I. Nathan hopes to eek out one more month of research in Russia, lovely Podsosnovo, before returning home. We’ll linger for a week in NYC with auntie Heidi and friends and then it’s FAMILY TIME in UTAH!! Can I even express to you how much I’m looking forward to this? I bring it up daily. My mom found a bike for Zoe at the local thrift store for $2 and she’s setting them up for a week of swimming lessons (!!) I’m going to take a little escape to SLC for some solo time with friends and then they will all join me for more FAMILY TIME. Then a little more time in blessed Cedar City and then babes&I will retire to St. George to the Jones Oasis for more swimming and shopping and eating and hiking and laughing and loving to our hearts content. I LOVE MY PEOPLE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Continuing on with pictures, pictures, pictures . . . must keep up on the decluttering of my digital camera -- esp. since Des has managed to get a hold of it more often -- too many crazy angles and superhero close-ups.

We were invited the New Years party at the library.

It was great -- Father Frost is a Kazakh buddy of Nathans -- and since it was a dress up party Des was a Power Ranger and Zoe was Dr. Iboli (a Russian cartoon character).

Zoe Dancing with Sister Florida at our Christmas party.

A little sliegh ride on Christmas day.
Nathan got frost bite on his ears -- they turned bright red and burned for a couple of days and then began to peel!

A Christmas bucket of coal for Desmond P. Jones.

Opening Christmas presents.

Gift from Nathan -- earrings and a wall hanging of the oldest Mosque in Turkistan, KZ.

Under the tree Christmas morning.

The looks on their faces as they first caught sight of the tree Christmas morning.

Christmas Eve at the Catholic Church -- after the 3hour service we were all given a candle and went outside to the lifesize stable with manger.

We sang songs and took turns kissing the baby Jesus. Someone is kissing him in this pic so he can't be seen.

Our Christmas tree in homemade ornament glory and a few Christmas cards from the States.

This is the hardworking Nathan P. Jones.

Who even on Christmas morning had to rise before sunrise, clean out ash from the oven and build a fire to get our home warmwarmwarm.

I LOVE HIM!

Pardon Me Poetry

2009-01-12T08:53:00.002-05:00

Astana

National popsong – citizen’s crowd, link
arms, some hips are in motion.

These costumes; gold fringe, beacon head dresses,
remind me of your buildings – flamboyant
super construction Babel-tower.

Land cleared, history-razed, steel induced
representation of black-gold flush soil.

It was later I marveled
over captured digital images.
CGI city: So blue! So angular!
Such pixilated motion upward!

Your people are lovely, Asia Central, and
as we isolate ourselves among you, we shall
look for more of your colors.

Zoe en Voice

2009-01-04T07:42:00.002-05:00

I was handing out spoons at breakfast time and Zoe objected, "No! I don't want this one – it's not wonderful to me."

After discussing with Zoe her middle names and the grandmothers she was named after, ZDKJ asked, "And where is my Heidi name?"

"Remember when we'd watch Star Trek and eat rootbeer?" We had a semi-regular tradition on Saturday nights in NYC to watch a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode and have pizza and rootbeer.

Nathan: Des I think we should call you Luscious.
DPJ: . . .
ZDKJ: Desi NOT Luscious!
Nathan: (deep laugh) Then who’s Luscious?
ZDKJ: (with attitude) Mommy is!

"Not me! My mouth did it!" After getting a few words because she spit her spaghetti out all over her lap.

I get that swaddling clothes baby in a manger!

While watching a television program with a woman in it she asks, "That woman nurse her baby, yeah?" I think she was trying to confirm her notion that all women are nursing mothers.

ok, ok, I be better, i be better. I be good!

I want to draw on some paper. Get me some paper please.

After cuddling a minute one night in my bed Zoe sat up and said, "Bye!" I asked her where she was going and she answered, "I'm going to my brother."

We were watching a program about monkeys and there was a cute little baby clinging to his mom. Zoe sighed and contentedly observed, "That baby happy with his mom and his dad. Happy!"

I'm scared from this food – there's snakes in there!" While looking at her bowl of spaghetti.

Desi Candor

2009-01-04T00:31:00.002-05:00

Let’s go to FUNLAND; where the only thing we can do is have fun and we don’t have to buy we can just take.

You’re my favorite to cuddle with mom.

Dad, your foot is like the whale in ‘Jonah and the Whale’

Is Obama one of Jesus’ guys?

“I don’t want to be called Desmond anymore. I want a different name.” Later he told me he wanted to be called, “Scooter.”

Dad you’re my favorite actress.

How ‘bout we go out naked in the snow? How about that?

I think I’m gonna turn into a big barnhouse.

Hi Mom! Are you Howdy Town?

Des: Does sometimes Dad wear dresses?
Me: I’ve never seen it.
Des: Flower dresses?
Me. Nope.

While tumbling around on the bed Des observed, “A Desi/mommy sandwich; it’s like I’m the salami.”

Mom, don’t clean the kitchen just let dad do it, ok? I told him to do it – c’mon lets play!”

While pretending: “I’m drinking beer – wouldn’t it be yummy with barley in it?”

“Lets play! I’m the chicken and you’re the person cooking me.” [time passes] “ok! it’s done now, the chicken is ready! Aren’t you going to eat me?” I pounced and began to gobble him up. Zoe comes to our side and says, “I bok, I bok, I chicken, bokbokbok – eat me too!”

“Bless you that Christmas will be Jesus-y” During a morning prayer.

I asked DPJ one afternoon when the last time he washed his hands was and he replied, “I didn’t wash my hands, I spitted on them.”

Nathan: I think you and Zoe will be best friends.
Desmond: Yeah!! I’LL LOVE THAT!!

I heard Zoe crying and as I entered the room I asked, “What’s the trouble?” Des replied, “There is no trouble, I’m just asking Zoe to cry.”

While D&Z were wrestling I overheard Zoe say, “ok, ok, I stop.” and Des quickly reply, “No, you don’t stop, you’re the girl who NEVER stops!”

I’m a hotdog – you bought me for lunch – fold me up and eat me!

D&Z: Someday you'll be old enough to read this

2008-12-27T07:55:00.002-05:00

Remember that time we packed up our 1-bedroom apartment in New York City, stowed all your toys away in Ini’s house in Philadelphia, and moved to Russia&Kazakhstan? (It really happened, I swear!) Do you remember being together all the time and not understanding what people were saying to us? Do you remember the long train rides and the chocolate eggs with toys inside and the playgrounds and the borst and the cold, cold snow?

I’m writing this little letter to you right in the middle of this time. We moved away from NYC 10months ago and the snow is thick and the air is cold, already 20 below this afternoon. We’re going to be in for a long, sequestered winter. And I’m a little scared. You see, I’m having a hard time adjusting to all of this and trying to be the best mommy I can. I know you’ll need a lot from me this winter and I want to be able to give all of myself to you but sometimes it’s so hard for me. Sometimes I just want to be by myself and think and read and write and maybe take a nap. Sometimes I let you watch TV a little longer than I probably should. Sometimes I forget to have patience with you. I forget to play with you.

I remind myself everyday that this is our precious time together – that we have this time to grow together in a way that is truly unique because we have nobody but each other. It’s like we’re on our own frozen little iceberg – no one else, just us. Sometimes this makes me sad – for me and for you. If I’m sad for me, I’m not my best for you.

Thankfully you give me fresh new chances everyday to try again to do better. Thankfully you are finding ways to really enjoy each other and have been playing together in the last several months with remarkable creativity. I admire the two of you and your ability to find pleasure in the little things we have. I want to find that too. I’m glad we still have more time here so that you can continue to teach me these things. I love you both very much. I realize that if you weren’t here with Nathan and I it would be reallyreallyreally crazy, like, crazier ‘than you’ve ever seen before’ (you say this a lot right now DPJ).

I hope you have good memories of this time together – I hope that you remember me being a fun mommy with lots of stories and games and smiles. I hope we can do this again, maybe, where I choose next time.

A little Christmas scene

2008-12-24T13:07:00.009-05:00

Our patchy pine.

Thebabes think it's the most fantastic shrub of nature they've ever seen. As it should be.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

and a few other photo's of our winter wonderland . . .

A cute little dom in the village

Here's our vintage Lada -- makes great play equipment. Perhaps if the snow gets high enough we can sled down it.

Another nice looking dom covered in snow.

Looking down our street.

In front of our dom -- this is where we used to have a swing.

On the grounds of the Catholic Church in our village.
This is the little dom set aside for the children to play in. However, this month they are moving into a large modern building across the street with indoor bathrooms (those are the outhouse on the right). Also, where you see the earth plowed up a bit in front is a skating rink they are creating where the garden once was -- so brilliant and we can't wait!

The Catholic Church in beautiful white.

The small 'stable' on the left is where they reenacted the nativity on Christmas eve -- with a cow and a few of those angelic kids dressed up with a life size porcelain doll in a manger. We all stood around with candles and sang songs. Beautiful.

The kids at the Catholic Church poured water down the slide for an icy ride.
The wonderful Nadia, ever helpful and lovely, is taking care of Zoe as she prepares to take her turn.

The cold red nose and smiling eyes tell us that she is having FUN!

Because the neighbors are doing it

2008-12-15T00:01:00.007-05:00

It's below freezing and I'm still left with loads of laundry each week, which I can only wash outside. Well, I do it in the shelter of the banya house but it's not kept heated.

I have to light the fire myself to get the water hot in the tank. I also bring in extra buckets and have them warming on the side with a little twisty metal plug-in heater -- it sends shock waves to speed up the electrolytes in the H2O (is that correct science?) if you touch the water or even the bucket with the device plugged in and sitting in the water -- it's a SHOCK!

I know, kind of dangerous. There is so much more I could tell.

Anyway, after 45minutes or so the water is hot and the banya house is a little more comfortable, though I keep my coat on. I pour the hot water into the washing machine -- circa 50's design – add soap and it’s ready for 5minute cycles. All the clothes are washed in the same water (I don’t scoop it out and fill it up after each load, would you?) so I start with the towels (kitchen&bath) then the bed linen and then by color, whites first. The water is black by the end of the third hour. Nathan and his wood/coal activities make their mark and are always the last to go. Thus never getting *clean*, I suppose.

There is then the rinsing cycle – where I dunk them in a separate tub, wringing them out before entry and upon exit to the spinner.

Spinner. This is hard for me because last week the spinner began to lose control. It’s knocking up against the side of itself, making horrible scrapping noises and sparking and smelling. What will I do without a spinner? All these wet clothes in 30 below degree weather?

My neighbors, I note, are still using their clothes lines. But the water doesn’t evaporate, the clothes don’t dry.

They freeze. Like cardboard boxes.

Those are icicles!

Pardon Me Poetry

2008-12-13T09:57:00.001-05:00

Soulful Sutra
Inspired by Ginsberg’s “Sunflower Sutra”

The Kazakh steppe -- flat land rife of wind and clouds

Lately it’s the breeze that rattles my square-minded, imageless stasis in never-never land; too dusty inside, over crowded with dead-beat contortions of irrelevancy – it is more crisp outside than in and I need that soulful gust to vacuum me.

It’s an invitation, a whispering bliss, where I can cackle with the renegade leaves and bend like the sensible grass and progress with the elevated community of clouds.

Air-crisp breath, the life of youth, the memories and merriment of time – of time peopled with little ones. Taking cue, I look to the deep recesses of those blue and brown eyes that plead with me, urge me, to come to existence. My heart wants them to know good, over-abundant joy life but my head buzzes and my body slurs, more bovine-esque than nimble-quick. spurtspurt sputtersputter.

Help me to swirl with your gusts, in your carpet-ride fresh imagination. I close my eyes and I smile – a clearing, a motion to take the hands of my children and run with you. We shall laugh together and breathe soul gulping lung-bursts and exhaust ourselves in your plentitude.