Small Thoughts on Forever

Spent some time away last month -- a quick little getaway to Vanessa and Andrew's wedding in Ohio. The suburbs are sure nice to visit. Glorious places. Andrews parents lived in a varitable meadow which, once leaving the car after a 14+hour trip, was the perfect place for me and I tumbled onto the sensible grass to gather and ground and shake off the blah of the cars motion. Love roadtrips but I'm not often in cars anymore so my head and body react painfully. Ahhh. . . the grass . . . once night fell, I was back out on it, secretly doing cartwheels and running around barefoot with a goofy smile on my face. Love that side of me.

Vanessa was a glorious bride.

Andrew was a charming groom.

Quite young and yet quite deliberate in their choices. They want to be with one another forever. I love how simple and how profound it can be to look at two young people and see them making such advanced decisions about their lives. Seeing the whole as best they can, leaving the rest to their faith and their commitment to each other, to grow together no matter how life plays out and to do all this under such solemn covenanent in the Temple. Can such young people comprehend so much? Who can comprehend it all? Because one can't does that mean one should stay where they are. . . afraid, unsure? It takes courage to live and to trust and to embark with your hopes on your sleeves and your heart in anothers hands. I salute them. I salute all couples who handle such delecate human matters with grace and gravity. We are here on earth to experience meaning through our interactions with each other. We cannot fully feel ours or anothers humanity/divinity without such reachings. These things are eternally significant.

A Peopled Life

Feeling rich this week with thoughts of having so many good people oscillating around me and my little family. Coming and going but never quite gone. My parents will be here in a few days to spend some one-on-one time with D&Z. I hope it will be a grandparents dream come true. I know Nathan&I will enjoy a little roadtrip with friends and some quiet hotelroom time. I hope to have a least *one* luxurious sleep in morning. The thought gives me tremors. . .

This little girl, this little girl. Vanessa, Vanessa. 7 going on 19. She and I were inseperable during our 7ish (I've lost count) years in Phila. There is a 14-year difference beween us. But due to our need for each other, we never noticed it and shared everything like best friends.

Vanessa has been at university in Provo, UT for the last 2-years and this month she will be getting married. Next week actually! Yesterday we went to the temple with her and her mom, Ini. Incredible being together, the four of us, in there. Vanessa is so amazing! Very proud of her becoming&becoming&becoming. She will be my friend for the rest of my life (& thereafter) and I really look forward to that. So reassuring, to have such loyalty from someone who knows me so well and who still loves me (!) and who will continue to experience life with me. :) Our children will be playmates! It's good, a good thing.

Congratulations Vanessa and Andrew!!

Other news, Desi's bestbuddy Thomas is leaving NYC this weekend for a house&yard&better public schools in Princeton, NJ. Sounds quite lovely sometimes. . . love the idea of Princeton, even if it is in NJ. ;) My time hasn't come yet though and I'm content (er, perhaps I should say, "hasn't come again" as I've tried the house thing before and failed miserably at it in Philadelphia). But it is hard to see people go that you've become accustomed to and especially the combustive duo that Des and Thom were. Mara and I were endlessly pleased and surprised to see our children, at such a young age, find common interests and become so quickly affectionate and attached to each other. Mara has written about it in her blog, where she aptly notes their interests centered largely around consensual skirmishes and fists. Mara, I will miss our own sharing of ideas on all topics: literature, spirituality, politics, food, technology, film, etc, etc, etc. Love talking and laughing with you and sorry we never had the time to talk more and do all we'd talked about doing! Sushi! Anime! Anyway. . .

Rear Window

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

We LOVE you dear GRANDMOTHERS!!

Click Here to view pics from APRIL.

In honor of Mothers Day, I've posted losta pics and stories below

So keep scrolling down lotsa news

On Mothers Day

Today started with laughter at about 3am when I found, upon entering the bathroom, that Nathan had untied my old shower curtain and hung a new, rather goofy, matronly aquatic one in its place.

For the "card" he and the babes had painted shower caps, which he then taped onto the shower curtain, there were 3 spelling out: Happy Mothers Day. I have no idea what his source of inspiration was but when I returned to the bed and leaned in to see if he was awake, which he was, we shared a very good laugh. Priceless. I love nathanpjones!!! He helps me not take things so seriously. Saturday, while in the glorious thick of laundry and other domestic duties, I was astonished to receive a huge bouquet of flowers! Who would send me flowers (it surely wasn't npj, not his style)? I opened the card and couldn't have been more surprised to find a lovely little message of love from my sister HAILEY!! Glorygloryglory!!! Feeling the LOVE!!! Thank you mysister. Love having sisters -- among lifes richest blessings.


Another are my children. Unfortunately, Des has been extraordinarily difficult (in a way he usually isn't) today. An excess of whining and crying over little minor things. Trying to get out the door this a.m. for church nearly brought me to tears! The walk home from church was full of more tears and high pitched reiterations . . . and then the little mother's helper voice inside of me whispered: BENEDRYL. I usually only drug my children on long transcontinental flights . . . but the stinging irony of such lousy behaviour on such a day as this seemed to equalize with the prospect of drug enforced slumber (he clearly needed a nap). An appropriate dose was duly administered (he loves medicine, he enjoyed it) and now there is peace as I blog this entry. So what does this say about me and my motherhood? Practically speaking? Not sure, but I'm lovin' the sympathetic inner voice. Happy Mothers Day to me!

Here are some pics from more idyllic days:

Des and the ducks

Zoe and her apple

Anticipating bathtime

New cowboy boots

I love her!

Desi Candor XIV

Zoe P. Jones!

I like Daddy, he’s a guy, and you’re a girl and I think Zoe is a woman.

“I wanna buy these shoes for my little brother.” We were in Target, in the shoe department. I replied, “You don’t have a little brother”. “Yes, I will. When I grow up and marry Lexi!”

I’m having a mug of coffee with my friend Zo.

Ok, grumpy mother.

“Mommy? I have a sad thing … what some dogs for died is that a sad feeling? I have a sadsad feeling.

Hey! This baby’s not user friendly! (This was actually Nate about Zoe! Ha! Over a diaper changing struggle)

Des declared, “I need something spicy.” Then he holds out a cup and says, “George Washington milk!”

Zoe do you like butterflies?

You’re my Paul Jones! You’re a sweet mommy!

Dear Heavenly Father, Bless you for this day; please bless nice day tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and the day and the day and the day and the day after that … till we die. Amen.

After receiving a soft lecture about peepeeing all over the floor and the wall while standing in front of his small potty (I recommended only standing at the big potty) he disclosed, “I peed in the dump truck too. How come?” I looked down at the dump truck next to the little potty and saw a small pool and didn’t quite know how to answer his question.

I thought it would be a great idea!

After Des said something vaguely funny he asked me, “Aren’t you going to laugh loud?”

After a long series of sneezes, I asked Des why he was sneezing so much and he explained, “A good robot said a bad word and climbed up into my nose.”

I was a egg – I hatched!

After entering the lobby of our apartment building Desi said, “Mmmmm… the smell of tuna fish”.

Don’t you like hugs Loretta? Let’s hug!

You’re a cute baby Zoe and I love you and will take care of your forever.

Sunday Walks

A couple of weeks ago during a late Sunday afternoon I took the babes for a walk to the park sans stroller! Zoe was so happy to be big and free and Des was initially a nervous wreck! Watch this video which I started just after leaving our building, you'll recognize the lovely neighboring gate.



After crossing Broadway Des was a little more relaxed and took to terrorizing the pidgeons. Watch this:



There are 3 more segments of our walk, which I'll post the links to and you can click over to Photobucket to view (I know Grandparents and Aunties will love this!)

1. Segment #3
2. Segment #4
3. Segment #5 (short)

Easter - Part IV (Forgotten Video)

Opps... Still more: the footage. It's good, so dearGrandparents and lovelyAunties should enjoy them.

Why am I a Mormon?

Spurred by the phenomenal PBS program "The Mormons" which aired last night, and is continuing tonight, I've begun to ask myself this question: Why am I a Mormon?

The New York Times, in a review of the program, wrote:

A proposition: If your beliefs are any good, you needn’t be afraid to bring them out into the light. The proof: “The Mormons,” a thoughtful two-part series tonight and tomorrow on PBS. The tenets of the Mormon church may not be to everyone’s tastes, but the church members and leaders who speak in this program are admirably forthright about their religion’s history, strengths and challenges. It’s great to hear people who believe in something and can articulate it without sounding crazy or defensive.

Agreed, agreed. It is profitable to review peripheral things sometimes. Many parts of last eves historical analysis aren't things at the epicenter of our day-to-day faith and testimony. For instance, it was horrible to hear the account of the Mountain Meadow Massacre and to hear my beloved Cedar City mentioned as the sort of headquarters for plotting. I feel as badly for those poor people from Arkansas as I do for the folks at Hans Mill. All this is quite internally provocative so I'd like to share my reasons for being a Mormon:

1. My life has been good -- living good, having joy, is what I desire
2. My body, my mind, my heart is good
3. I feel the vitality of my own spirit
4. When I have engaged my body, my mind, my heart and my spirit in testing faith in God and his gospel I have had profound and simple clarity and peace
5. I am challenged to become, to progress, to enlarge, to soften, to acknowledge that my lifetime is an opportunity to use my agency to approach and follow God
6. I desire knowledge
7. Humankind, mankind/womankind, is a species I celebrate and weep for . . . and when I consider that God created us and watches us and knows each of us as a Father . . . his joy and pain must be exquisite
8. I love the Book of Mormon -- it's presence as a witness to the world that people everywhere or anywhere can invite God into their lives and receive counsel from Him. The Book of Mormon shatters place and time and becomes a glorious statement of Gods universal, timeless, love and relevance
9. I am frequently humbled and reminded of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice and my need for repentance
10. Initially (and foundationally) to have been taught this tradition by loving parents and grandparents was and is the rarest and sweetest of all gifts in this life of mine
11. With every gospel principle there is potential
12. I believe God when he tells me he loves me but more so because I have felt it
13. Wonder of all wonders! I believe in that complex man and prophet Joseph Smith! He in many ways epitomizes all of us (1) in that we are all subject to our world and its influences on our lives and the conflict that brings to someone who wants to follow God and (2) how divinely patient and comprehending God is of his creations, though imperfect, He sees our purpose and potential
14. Guilt and regret over transgression/mistakes I have made have been some of the most painful things in my life. It is such a power, a gift, to know how to rid oneself through repentance and when forgiveness comes, the cleanliness, the peace. . . there is nothing like that feeling and I thank God for it
15. Scriptures like this: Mosiah 30-31, "Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespass against me.", "And ye shall also forgive one another your trespasses; for verily I say unto you, he that forgiveth not his neighbors trespasses when he says hat he repents, the same hath brought himself under condemnation"
16. For humbling missionary/convert stories as told in Alma 22:15-18
17. I am connected to people -- 12 million in this church. I have felt a familiarity with all I have visited in Utah, Nevada, Colorado, West Virginia, Alabama, Pennsylvania, New York, Wales, Germany, Italy, Russia, Estonia (and NPJ in Kazakhstan)
18. Gratitude -- I constantly feel grateful for my life and all its uncertainties and blessings -- I cherish the fact that I know who I can thank for all these things
19. The Holy Ghost -- a companion sent from God to me to whisper and confirm and warn and guide. Its a miraculous gift
20. The 13th Article of Faith
21. Valiant examples of people in the church reaching and serving and loving . . . I have known some very remarkable people
22. Prayer -- a power few people understand, a power I have need to employ more ardently. I love praying with mylittlefamily, what a solidifying gospel principle!
23. For those rare encounters with Pentecostal converts -- such liveliness, such language!
24. For explanations such as this (from Spencer W. Kimball): "If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed. If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil -- all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no testing of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency . . . there would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, eternal life and godhood."